Thursday, May 1, 2008

i'll see u.v. in hell!

I had a pretty exciting week so far. First off, my right pointer finger is finally starting to turn back to its normal color after I drunkenly accidentally poured a pot of boiling water over it Saturday evening. Your ingenious author here is too lazy to buy a colander and instead opts even to this day to drain her spaghetti using the pour-water-out-of-the-pot-while-holding-said-noodles-back-with-a-fork-method. Why? I live on the edge.

Kitchen shambles aside, though, the other monumental event to happen to The Anti DC this week occurred via E-mail. (Of course it did...*sigh*) I've mentioned that I get E-mail from readers every once in a while. Most of it is either to compliment my efforts (natch!) or to suggest blog ideas (all of which are always appreciated, btw). However, this week, I received a request for -- ready? -- fashion advice!

I'm not sure how this happened as I don't know if I'd really ever even ask myself for fashion advice seeing as though I pretty much always err on the side of ridiculousness ("Of course you should buy a neon yellow sweatervest!" -- "Those pants cut off your circulation? Sweet. Buy them." -- "No, you can never have enough patent leather accessories."), but it did.

Also, when it comes down to it, I'm kind of an asshole (although I prefer to call myself honest). For instance, during grad school, I worked part-time at a popular clothing store. I guess it was my bad for lying and telling the hiring manager that I had something called "customer service skills," but it was his fault for actually hiring me. Anyway, short story shorter, it didn't take long before management realized my skills were better suited for solving Sudokus in the breakroom rather than, you know, being out on the sales floor "doing my job."

But I digress. Apparently, despite all my good-natured mocking and unnatural love for retardulous clothing items, someone still dared to ask my opinion. The topic? Sunglasses. What looks good on girls? What looks good on guys? Well, allow me to force my opinion on you.

For the ladies, I'm still a fan of oversized frames, especially vintage or vintage-inspired frames, like these:

Vintage Cazel 852 oversized shades, $233.93 @ Vintage Sunglasses Shop

Esquire Sunglasses; $60 @ American Apparel

F6745 Sunglasses (nice name, right?); $5.80 (nice price, RIGHT?) @ Forever 21 (I know...right.)

Some may find my choices in sunglasses recommendations ridiculous, and to that I say, you're probably right. Remember, this advice is coming from the girl whose sunglasses elicit her coworkers to proclaim "Jesus walks!" as she slips them on.

I personally think we have a lot in common, starting with the jackass facial expression.

Wow. And that officially marks the second instance in which my coworkers have compared me to a man. I know I should probably be insulted because, you know, I'm, like, not a man and stuff, but you know what? I'm sick and twisted enough to take it as a compliment (of course I would!). After all, Kanye West has impeccable does Luke Skywalker...and...moving on...

So speaking of men, let me move on to Part 2 of my first reader fashion question -- what looks good on men? Well, I think men, much like ladies, can go various directions with their sunglasses choices. However, the best of the best (in my opinion) to enhance any man's appearance is either the classic wayfarer or the old-school aviator. Brad Pitt wears 'em!

"Hi Brad!"

"Oh, hi Marissa!"

And 1980s Tom Cruise wears 'em!

"I miss you 1980s Tom."

"I miss you too, Marissa. I miss you too."


I-66 said...

WHAT?!? So you show goddamned Maverick and not GOOSE?!

mlln, Goose. mlln.

Marissa said...

Don't think I didn't think about it. I thought about it for quite a few seconds. But alas, Goose never did Risky Business. I had a theme to keep and that theme was 1980s Tom Cruise. Deal!

N said...

I have a colander and I still do that. Let me introduce you to the greatest thing to ever happen to my kitchen:

It is as awesome as its moniker suggests.

Shannon said...

I'm jealous of anyone who can wear big glamorous sunglasses. They make me look like a bug.

Marissa said...


While the scoop'n'strain is probably what I need, I do believe if I had to choose, I'd have to go with the grip'n'flip. Grip it and flip it. Effing genius, for real.


MYTH! That's all in your mind! The Olsen Twins are the tiniest creatures on Earth and they still pull them off. Big sunglasses look good on everyone. It's a fact!

Shannon said...

Marissa, I propose you loan me some big sunglasses, and we'll walk around DC and count the number of people who come after me with flyswatters.

It is ON.

Marissa said...


You should know by now that if DC hates it, it means the rest of the world probably thinks it's awesome.

N said...

The beauty of buying shit off tv is that they often sweeten the deal. That's right: I own the grip n' flip AND the scoop n' strain, all for one low price.

Righteous (re)Style said...

I miss 1980s Tom Cruise too. Before all that "Have you met an SP?" video weirdness. Sigh. And now they have Joey - LET JOEY GO!!! Damn Thetans.

Anonymous said...

All of those shades i would love to have especially those vintage sunglasses!