Well, look at that! Perhaps the choice does not need to be made. As you can plainly see, a small slice of the population is composed of the elusive douche/tool hybrid or the dools and touches, as it were. But because these are such a rare breed, like Sasquatch, they have largely learned to evade cameras. Likewise, in the slight chance that they are caught on film, they have learned to quickly disguise themselves as either a run-of-the-mill tool or douche. Luckily for us, however, a faithful reader did a little Shambles P.I. work the other night over at Catholic University and caught this:
That's right, e-friends. What you're seeing above is the much-talked-about tool/douche mash-up. Observe him in his natural habitat -- a frat party. This would lead one to assume he was just another douche, but upon closer inspection, one can see signs that he is also a tool. Mainly, he's wearing a pope shirt unironically. Now, before you bemoan that I'm starting some sort of religious e-war here, I want to state that I'm not inferring anything about Catholocism. Nor am I even saying that every Catholic is a tool. No, what I'm saying here and what this prime example of dool/touche is clearly illustrating is that any Catholic who wears a pope shirt as an exhibit of his degree of devotion is a tool. Look, the pope is not AC/DC, the pope is not Kiss, the pope is not Vladimir Putin; ergo, the pope's visage should not be cheaply screenprinted on some tacky T-shirt and worn to a frat party. Only a true dool/touche would do that.
Lastly, God bless beer pong.
If you have had a Shambles P.I. moment, let the world know. E-mail your shambley photos to firstname.lastname@example.org.