Thursday, May 8, 2008

hill-arity + snobbery = internetastic!

I hate life today, e-friends. I truly abhor it. You’ll understand and perhaps be able to relate when I tell you where I’ve been all morning and most of the afternoon – the Hill.

Ew. I feel disgusting and dirty just typing it. The Hill. Gross. It truly is a gnarly and sick place, where all fashion rights and wrongs are turned on their proverbial heads and the metaphorical stick stuck collectively up the ass of this city further burrows itself in. Republicans run around in their pleated khakis and Brooks Brothers button-downs making the poor poorer, punching homosexuals in the face and getting into unsavory sex scandals. Meanwhile, the Democrats shuffle around in their pleated khakis and Birkenstocks theorizing about saving the Earth while sipping Evian out of disposable plastic bottles, ensuring the future of socialism and getting into unsavory sex scandals. The Libertarians are...um, well the Libertarians aren’t there. They’re too busy fighting for true liberty by not paying their taxes and shooting trespassers on their compounds. (One day I, too, hope to live that dream.)

*sigh*

So, while I daydream do my job on the Hell, er, Hill, I unfortunately remain under too many time constraints to type up a proper blog post. And so, in place of my rantings, I invite you to peep what has become in the last five days my most favorite of favorite blogs – Bike Snob NYC.

Now, before you scoff and eventually question how someone can be so into cycling when she’s owned a bike for less than a week, let me simply state that I don’t read BSNYC for its insight into the world of bicycles (although, I actually am becoming more interested in such things as fixed gears, pie plates and general bicycle culture). I read it because it’s f*cking hilarious.

My brother, who apparently is just as much of a sarcastic asshole as I am, introduced me to it not long ago, and like a mom who says to her child "You're beautiful to me," my bro was nice enough to say The Anti DC is to life in DC what BSNYC is to the world of bicycles. In reality, however, the Bike Snob is a professional; I’m just an amateur. Anyway, check BSNYC out as I have absolutely nothing else to offer you today. Nothing. Except my secret creepy dream to move to a compound in Wyoming. Or Montana. Or New Hampshire. Live Free or Die!

Best Picture Ever courtesy of Bike Snob NYC! I told you that sh*t was funny!

12 comments:

I-66 said...

So you won't type fucking, but you'll type asshole.

You're a strange bird, Goose.

The Vinyl District said...

Hill-arious. If only you knew were I work 9-5. (And it ain't a bike store.)

Velvet said...

That picture is awesome!

Bring back your hate please.

Marissa said...

highway--

Listen. That is how I e-roll. Just deal with it, son.

tvd--

HA! Hill-arious! That is find word-jockeying. In fact, I'm going to edit my title. That's too good to not steal...and the job...hmmm...are you wearing pleated khakis right now?

velvet--

What? I just hated on the Hill for an entire paragraph! ONE PARAGRAPH! OK. Yeah. I see what you mean now.

The Vinyl District said...

Pleated khakis? Lord nooo...never have, never will.

Let's just say I'm fighting for true liberty.

Marissa said...

WAIT! Are you Libertarian wolf in Republican sheep's clothing Ron Paul? Or crazy liberal-turned-crazy libertarian Mike Gravel?! Tight.

The Vinyl District said...

...er, neither!

Righteous (re)Style said...

The funniest (and most accurate) description of DC that I have read in a long time. I esp. detest the plastic water toting liberals. UGH. Only in DC could one go to a "environmental network" meeting and see every single person around the table drinking from their disposable Starbuck's cup or Dasani plastic water bottle (have you ever had Dasani? Tastes like puddle water.)

Matt said...

There's a band in Minneapolis called "Fixed Gears are for Jerks and Lesbians." They suck balls, but the name makes me laugh.

Shannon said...

Every time Marissa refers to I-66 as "Highway" I think of that one-hit-wonder song..

"Life is a highway..."

Then I remember the next line of the song and totally skeeve myself out.

Marissa said...

tvd--

Whoa. Now I'm intrigued...

righteous--

Only Aqua Minerale is worse than Dasani. Tap water in a bottle. Splendid.

matt--

Dang. Minneapolis has all the coolest shit. Even if it does "suck balls," as it were.

shannon--

He just wants to ride it all night long. What's the problem?

Shannon said...

A one-hit wonder wants to ride our I-66! All night long!