Monday, May 12, 2008

sleepless in shambles

First off, excuse my writing today. I'm barely able to understand basic grammar, let alone form some sort of clever, pun-filled essay on the shambles that was this weekend. And, in all honesty, some shambles are not meant to be broadcast over the Interweb. So, while I think I'll keep most of the more sordid details to myself in an attempt to maintain at least some sort of semblance of respectability on my e-stomping grounds, I will reveal to you in the laziest format I could think of a quick, numerical outline of what a few friends and I have been doing since 5 p.m. last Friday:
  • 3 hours in the Greyhound bus station waiting for bus to Atlantic City;
  • 5 hours on sh*tty bus;
  • 1 man with non-ironic mustache who smelled of Brut and stale coffee;
  • 1 hour waiting in check-in line at AC hotel;
  • 1 sh*tty hotel room;
  • 1 adept negotiator demanding said hotel do something about the "pubes" in our bathroom;
  • 1 high-roller suite;
  • Several hundred (er, thousand) dollars lost;
  • 1 in-room jacuzzi;
  • 1 bottle of bubble bath;
  • Several semi-disturbing yet hilarious photographs taken (Hi Facebook!);
  • 3 hours of sleep;
  • 1 hour figuring out how to park at the Borgata;
  • 1 casino buffet;
  • $60 dollars worth of food paid for;
  • $160 worth consumed;
  • 1 gigantic ceramic boot bought;
  • 2 pairs of truck stop sunglasses bought;
  • 1 grill;
  • Several pounds of meat consumed;
  • Several bottles of Corona imbibed;
  • Several hours of dancing;
  • 1 lost coat;
  • 4 hours of sleep;
  • 1 broken cell phone;
  • 1 Sunday brunch;
  • 5 episodes of Arrested Development;
  • 4 flowery vinyl table cloths-cum-raincoats;
  • 1 coat found;
  • 2 hours on I-66;
  • 1 Radiohead concert;
  • 1 case of Corona;
  • 4 Silver Bullets;
  • 1 endless rainstorm;
  • 4 cases of borderline hypothermia;
  • 2 hours escaping Nissan Pavilion parking lot (but at least I got in...);
  • $19.21 worth of late-night Wendys;
  • 1 more broken cell phone;
  • 1.5 hours of sleep;
  • 1 4:30 a.m. wake-up call;
  • 1 7:00 a.m. flight; and
  • 1 barely alive reporter.

Yet all these shambles were not for naught (See? That's the kind of half-ass, lazy sentence construction I warned you about). No, several lessons can be learned, so, yeah, here's another goddamn list:

  • Greyhound sucks;
  • Dropping the phrase "wayward pubes" will get you a tight hotel upgrade;
  • Jacuzzis make creepy photo backdrops;
  • The Borgota parking lot is a mirage;
  • Giant ceramic things are funny;
  • Truck stop accessories rule;
  • I still like to dance at St. Ex;
  • I heart a good barbeque as I do a good brunch;
  • Arrested Development does live up to the hype;
  • Table-cloth ingenuity will only keep you so dry in torrential downpours;
  • I hate traffic;
  • I love Radiohead;
  • Wet tight pants are not as awesome as they sound;
  • Wet cell phones don't work;
  • The Nissan Pavilion can suck it;
  • Wendys is the best nightcap ever;
  • Having a job is hard.


I-66 said...


- 4 flowery vinyl table cloths-cum-raincoats;
- 1 coat found;
- 2 hours on I-66;
- 1 Radiohead concert;
- 1 case of Corona; me crazy, but I think if you were on me for two hours I would've known about it!

And as someone who has parked in the Borgata parking lot, I can assure you that it is not a mirage. I can also assure you that it took forever to find our car when we were trying to leave.

Shannon said...

I was at Radiohead, too. What an unholy disaster of a clusterfuck. Seriously, this morning I Googled "Radiohead nissan pavilion clusterfuck" and got 492 hits.

Marissa said...




At least .

On another note, a friend of mine able to not let the physical elements and retardulous parking situation affect him said it was the best of the eight shows he's been to music-wise...I wish I could've been able to enjoy it rather than shivering in the fetal position behind 30 large dudes with golf umbrellas...

Marissa said...

Wow. My linking code is effed up. Not only am I an nerd for saying "linking code," but I'm a nerd with apparently no skills.

It meant to say: "At least we got in" and it was to link to this:

It's pure irony that I'm at a technology conference right now...

Anonymous said...

Radiohead was awesome. I think the torturers at Guantanamo could learn a few tricks from the people who designed the traffic flow and parking at Nissan Pavilion. We got there in time to see the whole show (wet) but then were subjected to 2hrs 15min before our car even moved (parking lot F, F is for FUCKED).

Hypothermia Guy #1 said...

Please add:

-3 gashes in POS rental car
-1 strange smell eminating from said car this morning
-1 call to triple AAA to start the car
-1 hour waiting in the rain for AAA guy
-8 hours driving home in a wet seat

Good thing you didn't ride back with us. The smell of ostrich meat made me gag several times.

Marissa said...


The Nissan Pavilion really is letting the terrorists win.


Well, you know what could've solved that? Pants off!

The ostrich meat, however, well, you're on your own there...

The Vinyl District said...

Where's the Hill-arious post?? Redacted?

N said...

I can't decide who got screwed more by Nissan Pavilion - the people who got in or the people who didn't get in. I sat in a car for 7 hours to go nowhere, but at least I was dry and warm.

Marissa said...


It's there. A few posts down. Is there another one I've forgotten about? I am in complete disarray right now...


I thought the same thing. That venue is so horrible and the rain was so loud that I could barely even hear the concert and since I was shivering underneath a vinyl tablecloth, I certainly couldn't see anything. Yeah.

Anonymous said...

Note: If you wore a shirt, jacket, or anything, you're a better person then I.

Marissa said...


You're a champ, clearly. And crazy. Really crazy.

Lucious Leo said...

Nice to see a Marissa P bulleted story that I will actually read! Zoinks!

Marissa said...


Zing! Nice also to write one that didn't put me in a coma! Zap!

Ahh, my life sucks. It doesn't help that I've been up since 4:30 am, sitting in a freezing cold airport, anticipating a 10 am congressional hearing and gearing up for a 16-hour workday. Zippity zing zap attack zoinks!