think before you buy that collector's coin

Parents are useful for many things. Love, support, guidance, the perennial birthday check and, in my case, useful information:

ha ha, your google thing took me to the crocs site today ! for real!!

Now, there are two disturbing things about the above E-mail from my mother. The first, clearly, is the fact that she comes across as a 12-year-old girl ("for real!!"). The second disturbing feature has to do with the E-mail's content. A Crocs ad? To quote my mom and millions of 12-year-olds, FOR REAL!? Sure enough!

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Crocs at Shoes.com
Huge Selection Of New Crocs Styles 110% Price Guarantee. Free S/H!

www.Shoes.com/Crocs

I was utterly appalled at first. I mean, I stand staunchly against the Croc. I loathe the Croc. I rue the day that the weather gets nicer and I have to once again see the Croc. But then I thought about how ironic it was that I'm making money off of the Croc. Soon (and we're talking within seconds here because my conscience is about the size of a Planck length) the idea even began to appeal to me. I mean, hell, if it's out there and marketable, why shouldn't I get a piece of that proverbial (albeit hideous) pie? It might be tacky and it pains me to think that I am advertising something blindly that I definitely don't endorse, but the thought of making another $0.67? Well, that's, like, a whole can of beans (on sale).

In a stream of consciousness that I won't repeat here, this idea of a Crocs ad on this blog led me to think about what I see as the growing Soviet-style cult of personality around President-elect Barack Obama. I mean, there is some crazy sh*t for sale out their featuring his visage. Commemorative plate sets, collector's coins, Metro cards, posters, paintings, T-shirts, bags, jackets...and I could go on. Even Pepsi® is cashing in.

This is ridiculous. I mean, the man hasn't done anything yet but get elected. And that was more on account of voters than him, which means wouldn't it make more sense to make Metro cards with faces of random Democrats on them opposed to his? I say, before we all go ape-sh*t over him, at least give the man a chance to do something; give him a chance to prove he will stand for all the "change" and "hope" he campaigned for. In fact, I can't help but think Obama, himself, is probably pretty disturbed by all this unwarranted positive attention. He seems like a reasonable man. Just imagine the pressure he's now under thanks to so many people falsely assuming he's some sort of magical demigod. He's just a human being, an extraordinary human being, perhaps, but give him a chance to prove it first.

Trust me, I know firsthand the havoc that the idea of a cult of personality can wreak. My Southern grandparents bought my brother and I Ronald Reagan collector's coins for Christmas in 1987. I was 8 years old. My brother was 10. I was expecting a new Barbie®; my brother probably wanted some Legos®. (Notice the elegant product placement, advertisers!) Ronald Reagan's cult of personality ruined our Christmas.

So, please learn from my family's mistakes. Don't let useless Obama chotchke propagating his cult of personality ruin any of your future holidays. And if you are convinced Obama is the new Christ and feel you must "own a piece of history" (read: make important historical events a tacky commodity), ask yourself "What Would Obama Do?"

Wait.

WE DON'T EFFING KNOW. (Although, I think it's safe to assume he wouldn't buy a commemorative plate set...I'll give him that.)

But, if you simply can't help yourself (you moron), allow me to suggest purchasing the Obama Commemorative Paper Plate, which I was alerted to via a commenter over at why.i.hate.dc. At least it's unique...and if you buy it for a kid they can use it for a future art project. That's something!