Tuesday, June 8, 2010

stop spreading schminformation, new york times!

It's not often that I have time to mock any other newspaper besides The Washington Post, but today I'm making an exception. Did anyone see Sunday's New York Times? If so, did you see the article in the travel section entitled, "In Washington D.C., K Street Steps Out of Its Suit"? And by "article," of course, I mean "completely ridiculous, not even factually correct group of words." And that's being nice.

Now, I'm lucky enough not to have to spend a lot of time on K Street, or really, wear a suit (or pants) ever, but that doesn't mean that after three years of living here (Jesus...) I don't know a thing or two about what the hell goes down there. Oh, and unlike Sarah Wildman, the reporter-schmeporter who somehow got paid to check out eating establishments "on and around the K Street strip," I know where the K Street strip is.

The "strip" refers just to the sections with the highest concentration of douches -- the part that stretches from 13th St. to Georgetown. Yet, in this piece of sludge, not one of the establishments Ms. Wildman points out goes west of New York Ave., which I think is the last street east of 13th that falls into the "around K Street" category. None of the restaurants she mentions fall on the strip.

But besides this geographical misnomer, the real problem with this article is the assertion that whatever strip Wildman's talking about is somehow shedding its douchetastical image because of some "new entrants" focusing on "inventive and ethnic" dining options.

And that would be totally awesome ... if it were true, but, um, last time I checked, FIVE YEARS AGO wasn't new and CORNED BEEF is neither inventive nor ethnic. Not to mention, DC is still chock full of douches, but that's a given...

Turning back to the food and Ms. Wildman's article, Rasika, while, perhaps, an inventive and ethnic restaurant, is not new. It opened in 2005. Oh, and it's also on D St. at 6th. And Againn? Sure, it's new (it opened earlier this year), but is English and Irish pub food really all that inventive or ethnic in a city (or country) where Russians, Italians, and Somalis alike all celebrate St. Patrick's Day together? I don't think so. I mean, really, what the f*ck does "ethnic food" even mean to you, Sarah?

"The executive chef, Wes Morton, a Louisiana native, has created what is essentially corner-pub fare, with some haute twists: shepherd’s pie, bangers and mash, house-made corned beef."

Um, where are these "haute twists" you're talking about, Sarah? For Lucky the Leprechaun's sake, Duffy's, the Irish dive across from the 9:30, has more haute twists than that. Tell me when Againn starts serving an Irish burrito and we'll talk.

Along the same lines, of the four establishments Ms. Wildman declares as new, inventive and ethnic, the last is Taylor Gourmet, a freaking sandwich shop:

"For less than $10 each, Taylor proves a proper K Street meal no longer has to be a white-tablecloth affair."

It's located at K and 5th. And it's a f*cking deli. I mentioned that, right? Subway serves a meatball marinara. Is that ethnic, too, Sarah? Is it?? IS IT?!?!

Ugh. I need a drink. Almost as much as this toddler. And this toddler. Hmm. Who knew toddlers were so hardcore? They're probably also a better source of information about DC than the Times... Then again, so is this blog. Now, that says A LOT. Take note of the state of journalism, New York Times, take note.


Boomhauer said...

Um, where are these "haute twists" you're talking about, Sarah?

shepherd’s pie

Made of real shepherds, of course.

bangers and mash

Smothered in Creme de Lexington Steele

house-made corned beef

Why do you think that there are no rats on the metro?

Debbi said...

The New York Times is written by a million rabid monkeys at typewriters.

Marissa said...


Now I can't wait to try it...


Some of them even plagiarize from each other!