take responsibility for something you're actually responsible for, fenty

I'm not sure how someone or a group of someones was able to steal two bikes out of Mayor Adrian Fenty's garage at his home in Adams Morgan, which was supposedly guarded by armed cops, but I do know that that's not the most important question here. The most important question is why? And more specifically, why the mayor (or, as my friend Leon of Listen to Leon deftly called him on Twitter, "this stick of butter") took "full responsibility" for the thefts.

The Washington Post reports:

"Mayor Adrian M. Fenty (D) and his family took 'full responsibility' for the theft of two bicycles from his open garage earlier this month and said Monday that the police officer guarding their Crestwood home followed protocol."

I'm sorry, but WHAAAAAAAA?! Maybe Stick of Butter (or S.O.B., if you will) doesn't realize this because he's too busy being a, well, stick of butter (and an S.O.B.), but by taking "fulls responsibility" for SOMEONE ELSE stealing his bikes -- no matter if he leaves his garage door open or not -- is TOTALLY F*CKED UP. To me, it sounds like he's blessing bike thieving, or thieving of any kind actually, as an act not only to be accepted in the District, but something that's the victim's fault. That's like blaming women in short skirts for rape. Not cool.

In fact, in the words of Philip Roth, "F*ck that noise." While perhaps Fenty made it more enticing for the thieves to steal his property by leaving his garage door open, for once Fenty isn't to blame. The responsibility sits solely with the dicks who stole his sh*t.

Full disclosure: I've had a bike stolen in the District. It sucked. It still sucks. And while, I left it locked up with a metallic pipe cleaner, I do not and will never blame myself for someone else's immoral choice. If anyone's getting punched in the face in that situation, you can bet my fists won't be aimed inward.

Listen Read, I grew up in a town where it wasn't necessary to lock anything. Hell, you could leave your safety deposit box full of treasure maps open and still no one would steal your stuff. And that isn't because rural Minnesota has a more effective police force than DC (although I'm sure it does), it's because people respect other people and their things. I swear on all the cornfields in the world, that people wouldn't blame the victim and the victim would sure as hell not go around taking responsibility for some disrespectful idiot's sh*tty actions. Instead, your neighbor would send his cow over with a shotgun strapped to his back for you to borrow. Duh. Things stay so orderly in the Midwest due to respect and cow assassins.

But unfortunately, that method only prevails in flyover country. The last thing we need in DC is a group of armed bovine. After all, we already have too many armed jackasses... But what we do need here is a new culture -- a culture that's based on mutual respect, honesty, and most of all, a condemnation of bad behavior, not an exaltation of it through the creation of a precedent that dictates the victim take the blame over the criminal. That's just f*cking stupid. But I guess that's what you get for electing a stick of butter to public office...

And while I'm certainly not ignorant enough to believe other major urban areas aren't riddled with crime and problems, I can't fathom any other mayor handling criminal incidents in quite same way. I mean, really, could you imagine Giuliani back in the day blaming the World Trade Center's height for 9/11 instead of the terrorists?

Think about it. And then don't vote for Fenty.