important things to know

Forgive me for not being as timely as usual with today's post. I was very busy awaiting the results of the 85th Annual Chincoteague Pony Swim, which took place this morning. And yes -- they came, they swam, they got auctioned.

What's that? You don't know what the 85th Annual Chincoteague Pony Swim is? Well, it's exactly what it sounds like -- a pony swim.


My God, that looks sad and cruel...

And speaking of sad and cruel -- Boy Scout Jamboree.


Five minutes later, all these kids and their molesters chaperones were drenched from last weekend's storm-turned-Pepco's BP moment.

Oh Pepco, I'm grateful that I'm not one of the 30,000 left without your beautiful electricity, but seriously, haven't you learned anything from BP? Apologizing without really apologizing does little to help rectify people's trust in you once you've royally f*cked up. In fact, all apologizing without really apologizing does is make people distrust you even more. For instance, I know you're not in charge of my shoddy Internet connection over here (it's the bozos at Comcast), but I blame you anyway for this morning's outage. You motherhumpers!

Anyone recognize where I borrowed that last word from? Tremors! I saw it for the first time last night and am convinced that if Kevin f*cking Bacon can come up with a plan in the span of 90 minutes to prevent underground monsters from eating his entire backwater town, the Washington Metropolitan Transit Association should have probably been able to come up with a plan to prevent last summer's deadly metro crash. Especially after last night's hearing, which revealed a near collision in 2005 that highlighted all the potential problems in Metro's safety mechanisms (or lack thereof) and that could've been used as a lesson to remedy these problems. I smell a major lawsuit...

Meanwhile, lawyers are smelling delicious hamburgers and, contrary to common sense, they don't like it. In fact, the lawyers at Steptoe & Johnson LLC don't like it so much that they're suing Rogue States, the burger joint next door, claiming the smoke from cooking these aromatic vittles is contaminating their Connecticut Avenue offices and making employees sick! Sick with hunger, I bet! This just in -- Rogue States' legal defense: