I woke up this morning with two gifts. The first was knowing I made it another year in this world and the second was a link to The Hill's annual list of the 50 Best Looking People on the Hill.
And seriously, there's no better birthday gift than knowing you've made it another year just in time to make fun of 50 unsuspecting douches, one of whom will now forever be known as "Cheese Nips lover," thanks to The Hill's creative nickname editorial board.
Poor Hillary Caron, not only is she now going to be gifted Cheese Nips from now until the end of time, but she's also going to have to live with the following sentences attached to her name:
"Hillary Caron finds social life after work on the Hill to be a lot like her days as a Tri-Delt at Duke University. 'You go to a party, and it’s Udall people and McCaskill people and people from the Ag Committee,' she says of Congress’s cliquish nature. 'We're 10 years older and know how to hold our liquor, but otherwise, it's similar.'"
And that, my friends, is why people hate DC. Thanks for your contribution to the toolestry, Hillary.
Yet Ms. Caron is not the only reason people hate DC. Oh no, there are at least 49 more! However, for the purposes of our sanity (and not to mention I have a lunch scheduled at 1 p.m.), we'll only look at a few more of these 50 hotties.
Like these dogs!
Seriously, those are some fine canines.
Yet unlike those beautiful beasts, some weren't so lucky with their photos, like Anu Vakkalanka of (and I am not making this up) IndianMakeupDiva.com, whose awkward pose makes her look like she's having a "fat guy in a little coat" moment.
Suck it in, girl!
Then, of course, we have Allison Sadoian, who claims she's mistaken for Katie Holmes, Anne Hathaway and Brittany Murphy (post-mortem?) on a daily basis.
"I'm told at least once a day that I remind [people] of someone famous," Sadoian told The Hill. Uh, maybe in Conan O'Brien's old "If They Mated" machine...
Then there's Jon Ward, whose most interesting characteristic is apparently the fact that he wears glasses.
Indeed, those are some fine spectacles.
There's also Hudson Hollister. He's (surprise!) "Transparent."
Then we have Blair Mixon, who like "Cheese Nips lover" will forever be associated with a foodstuff. In her case, it's grits, y'all!
"All of my northern friends thought that grits were terrible," Mixon says. "So I started telling everybody how to eat them the right way, not the plain way they thought you were supposed to."
Consider those tax dollars well-spent, Americans. Yee-haw.