funny. that doesn't smell like gasoline...

There are very few things about politics in America that I find interesting. We here in Amurrica lack the fist fights that go down in Russia, India or Kenya (um, holy sh*t); we lack the gentlemanly hooing and hawing of Great Britain; and, most importantly, we lack the Aquanet of North Korean leader and fashionista Kim Jong Il.

In America, on the other hand, politics is mainly just a bunch of mild-mannered, moderate, flat-haired jagbags spouting off false promises sprinkled with key fear words like "recession" "terrorism," or the granddaddy of them all, "9/11." However, once in a while, something truly worthy of my attention will come along. That is, some kind of utterly ridiculous campaign television advertisement.

The latest in these retarded[ly awesome] spots comes from Jim Slattery, a Democrat running against Republican incumbent Pat Roberts for a Kansas Senate seat. I'd provide a few words to introduce introdouche the concept and explain why this ad is so damn hilarious, but there's really no need...

R Kelly-approved!

But as great as that is -- and I know if I lived in Kansas I'd vote Slattery on account of that campaign ad alone (I'm easily swayed by allusions to urination) -- his creative team does not top that of Paul R. Nelson, who gave the world the following fine piece of politically motivated work in 2006 while running for Congress in Wisconsin on the Republican ticket against Democratic incumbent Ron Kind.

I can't think of a caption that could possibly top the unintentional humor of the original ad...

Somehow, however, Nelson still lost. I'm not sure if it was the complete absurdness of his allegations or the fact that his voice sounds like Sarah Palin's on steroids, but Wisconsin's third Congressional district said "yes" to sex and "no" to soldiers. Or maybe it was yes to sex with soldiers. And bisexual eskimos. I didn't really get that ad. Anyway, my point is, not everyone is apparently as easily swayed by inadvertently, or perhaps purposefully, funny political ads as I am, which is why that lovable Pillsbury doughboy-esque Mike Huckabee didn't win the Republican presidential nomination, despite gaining a rousing endorsement from the infallible Chuck Norris.

You Republicans are kicking yourselves now, huh? Huh?! Chuck Norris could've been VP, which would've brought more know-how to the office than is currently being pitched. Yeah. Think about that one...

Alas, besides Slattery's aforementioned work of art, it seems political campaign commercials of late have hit a creative wall. What's next? Will politicians start addressing actual issues in their ads?! Preposterous! This is the goddamn U.S. of f*cking A., after all! Is a little spin and word manipulation against a backdrop of references to bodily functions too much to ask for? Do C-list celebrity endorsements no longer provide the political cachet to rule the Free World? I mean, who the hell is Chuck Norris backing now?!?!? For shame, U.S. politicians. For shame.