I'm trusting the hickburgers at this Hayes, Va., Hardees are even tastier than their thickburgers. I bet they're covered with Velveeta, bean dip and Hidden Valley Ranch. If that sounds gnarly to you, then you only have your functional tastebuds to blame. If that sounds tasty to you, then I feel bad for you.
But vomit-inducing meaty treats aside, it's important to recognize where this sign was born. Hayes is a tiny speck of a town near Norfolk that features a movie theater, a 7-11 and, for some reason, several hundred tattoo parlors. Clearly, it's a classy place. But it's made even classier after recognizing that the hottest spot in town is definitely this Hardees, which also happens to be the fanciest restaurant within a 20 mile radius. But then again, how could it not be the best when it serves up cheese-product smothered hickburgers?
However, as much as I'd like to pretend there is such a thing as a "hickburger," I fear much like the chimerical "Shazam!" of Z Burger, this is just the work of the high school senior who manages this Hardees. While some may call him a simple prankster, I like to think of this mythical manager as a visionary. He's goin' places! At least on this blog.
Or maybe it was the wind. Eh.
P.S. -- Veering away from hamburgers, but sticking to stuff that deserves the label "Shazam," does anyone know where one can obtain a Captain's yacht hat by tomorrow at 3 p.m.? Um, if so,
please send me an E-mail. Thanks!