But surprise is the wrong word, seeing as this "circle" I type of is the WaPo-owned Express, which mistook me for a massive tool earlier this month. Express is kind of e-notorious for misquoting or generally f*cking up their Blog Log section -- a feature in which Express editors supposedly highlight the best of local blogs each day. How mine gets included in there from time-to-time is baffling, and a bit embarrassing for the city of Washington, DC, I might add.
Anylastlaughs, what I'm circuitously getting at here pertains to this morning's edition of Blog Log, and particularly Blog Log's words about my e-ramblings of yesterday:
"Not only is the weather suitable for wearing shorts (with properly mixed seasonal attire, of course), but it's also near-perfect for bicycling." Theantidc.blogspot.com figured out something he likes about D.C., adding, "My lungs can intake greater amounts of oxygen than they did in August."
That'd be all fine and retarded, had I not included a giant photo of myself in said shorts as the centerpiece of that post. Or perhaps I just look like a dude? Or maybe it was a typo.
Regardless, it's a ridiculous error and whoever this "Clinton Yates" is who writes these entries for Express needs to learn to read because, besides mistaking me for a dude,
Firstly, I called the weather "damn near-perfect" for bicycling, not simply "near-perfect." Although nuanced that difference is, it adds a certain staccato to the sentence that drives my point home, dammit.
Secondly, I never e-uttered the sentence, "My lungs can intake greater amounts of oxygen than they did in August," as the Express would lead any literate person to believe. While I did type several of those words in my post, I didn't use them in such a boring, unimaginative, nondescript, all-around remedial way. What I did say was, "Either my lungs can intake and process greater amounts of oxygen significantly more efficiently than they did in August, or it's just much easier to engage in physical activity when the weather isn't welding your sweet, shorts-adorned ass to a vintage bike seat."
To me, those sentences, are not only COMPLETELY DIFFERENT in tone, but in idea, as well. Express makes it sound like I'm making some sort of magical biological claim that my lungs somehow accept more oxygen in October than they did in August. For those of us who cannot only read but can also process complex sentences, what I was getting at was quite simple -- "Cooler weather makes for a more pleasant bicycling experience." Apparently, fifth-grade-level irony combined with a routine "either/or" sentence construction is too much for Yates to process...
But even if Express' staff is mostly composed of illiterate idiots, and by all accounts it certainly seems that way, the least the higher-ups could do is make sure to hire people who have the ability to recognize letters as simple shapes. That way, when deciding to use quotation marks or not, Blog Log editors can use the rules of contrast and compare to decipher whether a quote is accurate:
"My lungs can intake greater amounts of oxygen than they did in August."
"Either my lungs can intake and process greater amounts of oxygen significantly more efficiently than they did in August, or it's just much easier to engage in physical activity when the weather isn't welding your sweet, shorts-adorned ass to a vintage bike seat."
You know what? I take that whole contrast/compare rule back. One need only have a vague sense of sight to see that something is afoot here.
Seriously, Express, let's bone up on our journalistic integrity, shall we? DON'T USE QUOTATION MARKS AROUND A SENTENCE UNLESS -- brace yourself for a revelation here, Yates -- YOU'RE ACTUALLY QUOTING SOMEONE. For the love of vocab, it's really not that difficult.
And while I'd love to remain legitimately angry at getting free press, my ego doesn't allow it. So, thanks, Express...I guess.
But I can remain legitimately revolted by the way said free press is given. And perhaps it's because I use the ethics of journalism every day in my non e-life why such unnecessary f*ck-ups get me so riled up, however, more so, I think these repeated blunders irk me so because I expect more from a publication that has one of the remaining major players in newspapering (this word exists in the dictionary in my mind) behind it, The Washington Post. If this company can't get a simple quotation in a silly blog correct, how am I to trust it reports on anything else correctly? Is it truly time to bring in the monkeys on typewriters?