You know what I like about DC? The weather. I'm sure there's a few other things I can stand around here, but unlike the weather, those things (museums and...and...hmm...I'm drawing a blank here...) don't enable an outdoor atmosphere in which I am allowed to wear shorts deep into the month of October. The Midwest never let me do this. Or Russia. Or the Northeast. The weather beneath the Mason-Dixon line though? Perfect.
And not only is the weather (well, until today) suitable for shorts-wearin' (with properly mixed seasonal attire, of course), but it's also damn near-perfect for bicycling. Either my lungs can intake and process greater amounts of oxygen significantly more efficiently than they did in August, or it's just much easier to engage in physical activity when the weather isn't welding your sweet, shorts-adorned ass to a vintage bike seat.
To make a long story shortsss (HIYO!), I'm like, "this [weather] is smokin' balls tonight!" I love it.
In fact, this weather is smoking so many balls that it's goaded my zygomaticus, orbicularis oculi, levator labii superioris, and several other facial muscles into a big, dopey -- dare I say, legitimate -- grin, opposed to my usual patented smirk of smug disdain.
Or maybe it's the two-dimensional, transparent objects scattered around me that are making me giddy. See, along with autumnal temperatures, I also love booze, toilet paper, radioactive warning signs and the fact that my mental age is apparently 14, which allows me to still find things like booze, toilet paper and radioactive warning signs amusing. Thank you Photobucket for allowing me to express my inner, immature badass, albeit a badass who just visited Chernobyl, has a substance abuse problem and likes spicy foods (gross). But seriously, I look f*cking cool.
And by "f*cking cool," I clearly mean I look like I'm missing an arm. Honestly, I have no idea where my left arm disappeared to in this photo. I'm assuming it's behind my back. Doing what? I don't know, but I'm 100 percent 50/50 that my arm didn't just fall off and reattach itself between the time I took that photo and now, especially since I just used the digits on my left hand to type out the letters "e" "t" "r" and "s" in the word "letters." See?! I did it again! But I suppose, stranger things (may) have happened...
Speaking of strange, I also look like I suddenly have a pretty bad case of scoliosis in this photo. (Dammit! Who took this?!) Oops! I mean a pretty badass case, of course. That's right, because spine alignment issues, much like missing appendages, are badass. (Just go with it.)
Well, if nothing else, at least I'm wielding a sweet firearm. OK, a two-dimensional e-firearm, but admit it -- I had you fooled for a second, right? No? God, I'm retarded.
Outfit details: Sweater -- Kenneth Cole; Shorts -- DIY vintage cut-offs; Boots -- Steven by Steve Madden; Bag -- Pietro Alessandro. And to be clear, for the sake of my own ego, those are earphones I'm wearing and not a Bluetooth.