Thursday, October 2, 2008

one point five billion dollars

Since the U.S. government loves spending money it doesn't have, last night it passed a bill to inject $1.5 billion into the DC metro. Oh, and the Senate passed some sort of $700 billion plan to destroy capitalism, too. Or something.

But back to the Metro money. While usually I'd be against something like this, since I don't ride the subway more than twice a month, I'm surprisingly not. I reason like this: I hate traffic on the roads. Therefore, an improved DC metro would hopefully entice more suburban jagbags to ride into the city on the train, which would hopefully leave the roads freer for me to ride my bike on without worrying about getting hit by a speeding vehicle. Rational self interest is pretty sweet.

Also, DC largely gets the shaft. On top of being taxed by the feds without being properly represented in the government, I would not be surprised to learn that tourists probably compose at least 20 percent of Metro riders at any given time. Let me put it this way: If I had a nickel for every pudgy family in matching T-shirts and Crocs that I've seen looking all confused and retarded on the Metro, I'd probably have, like, $100, which is kind of a lot considering I ride the Metro roughly 24 times per year

Because of that, I don't think DC-regional residents should be the sole bearers of the cost of maintaining local transportation. Tourists should. If my tax dollars have to pay for them to keep overconsuming and spoiling their kids with expensive sh*t they don't need or bail them out of their ill-advised subprime debt, then they better be ready to pay for my pleasant experience on the DC metro every other week. That is not too much to ask. At least something tangibly useful will come out of increasing the federal deficit for the sake of "America's subway," the term used by Rep. Tom Davis (R-Va.), the sponsor of the bill, which also includes a lot more money for some other transit-related sh*t like Amtrak.

The $700 billion bailout, though? The only tangible outcome of that will be the ramen noodles we're all going to be eating for the next 10 years since creating that much more debt will render our dollar equal to that of the peso (if we're lucky) in the long-run. As Project Runway Season 3 contestant Santino Rice once lamented, "You can't shine a turd." And this $700 billion bailout is the most expensive turd polish America's ever seen.

P.S. -- In case you're wondering, the market-based economy isn't the turd, in my opinion; government meddling in it is. And, for that reason, I can't rightfully just blame general American overconsumption or those who were tricked into the government's subprime loan scheme. Although I do enjoy when people are personally responsible and have the common sense to know if they're making $40,000 per year not to buy a $500,000 townhouse, the underlying cause of our shambles of an economy is due to the U.S. government, which set people up to fail. Thank you for sharting (yes, I said sharting) all over the American dream.)


Anonymous said...

Sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you, I'm leaning more tree-huggerish towards you now than evil republican. However, people bitch about 700$ billion, which I am totally for (people bitching that is), however, we spent 711$ billion in military spending so far this year, which I guess could be considered technically over, considering Oct. 1st was the start of the new fiscal year and all. Now, while some of that probably wasn't iraq, if that douchebag president wouldn't have put America over in Iraq, that money might not seem so bad.

Do us a favor though, and try to keep your blog apolitical. I run to your blog when I get overwhelmed with political bs.

Thanks. Your buddy!

Marissa said...

Funny, I have a love-hate relationship with myself, as well. I LOL'd a bit when you noted that you had associated me with "evil Republicans," which I'll take to mean neo-cons. I'm most definitely not. That makes me feel a bit dirty even to imagine. After all, I've never tortured anyone. On purpose, at least.

Anyway, while I am not officially affiliated with any political party, I do lean toward one in particular, which isn't Republican or Democrat. I'm sure it's pretty obvious, given some of the links I post.

As for my treehugger tendencies. I do like trees. And not breathing car exhaust.

Anyway, I agree I fell into DC tool mode just a bit by posting political commentary -- correction: retarded political commentary -- but I just couldn't help myself. The government is out of control. But that's not really the most humorous of topics, so you're right that it really shouldn't be on this blog. For your sake and mine, I will try to stay away from such wonky subject matter in the future. I'm glad you're my buddy, though, mysterious anonymous person.

:) Marissa

Anonymous said...

PS. Did you actually take those really cool pictures of the money or did you steal it from somewhere that did not lack the ambition to get up and do it? Either way, I love the picture.

Yours Truly, Your Buddy.

Marissa said...

Wow, Buddy. I'm a huge fan of hidden insults. You're doing well. Of course, I possess neither the ambition nor skill to put together that kind of photo montage. That should be obvious. I also don't have man-hands. At least I hope I don't.

Anyway, I have no idea who took that photo. I saved it off of FFFFOUND. I love that site.

Alice in Blunderland said...

So, I'm at work this afternoon -- not working, mind you, but choosing instead to dick around on Snopes because I'm just that much of a world beater -- when it occurs to me that some anti-dc quasi-but-not-really-hipster kind-of-a-big-deal-blogger (whose blog I obviously, unabashedly e-stalk) stumbled herself on my own most humble blog.

Not sure how that happened, but I'm totally starting a rumor that you found me by clicking a link on an email you received from the son of a deceased Nigerian dignitary while drinking Coke and eating Pop Rocks.

On a completely unrelated note, did you know that tiny, grandmotherly "sexpert" Dr. Ruth was a sniper in the Israeli Army?

Wheeee! The things I learned today.

Peter said...

I do not think that that person is really your buddy.

Let me guess though - you support the socialist workers' party?

Marissa said...


I had no idea re: Dr. Ruth. I will be damned. Oh, I stumble upon blogs from time to time through secret Internet infiltration techniques. Or sometimes I see a link from someone else's blog on my statcounter. Either/or. Anyway, I'm sure we'll be e-seeing each other around!


Not even my e-buddy? Ah, damn.

I sometimes wonder if I would've been a Bolshevik back in the day...

Probably not. I don't really look that great in red.