one point five billion dollars

Since the U.S. government loves spending money it doesn't have, last night it passed a bill to inject $1.5 billion into the DC metro. Oh, and the Senate passed some sort of $700 billion plan to destroy capitalism, too. Or something.

But back to the Metro money. While usually I'd be against something like this, since I don't ride the subway more than twice a month, I'm surprisingly not. I reason like this: I hate traffic on the roads. Therefore, an improved DC metro would hopefully entice more suburban jagbags to ride into the city on the train, which would hopefully leave the roads freer for me to ride my bike on without worrying about getting hit by a speeding vehicle. Rational self interest is pretty sweet.

Also, DC largely gets the shaft. On top of being taxed by the feds without being properly represented in the government, I would not be surprised to learn that tourists probably compose at least 20 percent of Metro riders at any given time. Let me put it this way: If I had a nickel for every pudgy family in matching T-shirts and Crocs that I've seen looking all confused and retarded on the Metro, I'd probably have, like, $100, which is kind of a lot considering I ride the Metro roughly 24 times per year

Because of that, I don't think DC-regional residents should be the sole bearers of the cost of maintaining local transportation. Tourists should. If my tax dollars have to pay for them to keep overconsuming and spoiling their kids with expensive sh*t they don't need or bail them out of their ill-advised subprime debt, then they better be ready to pay for my pleasant experience on the DC metro every other week. That is not too much to ask. At least something tangibly useful will come out of increasing the federal deficit for the sake of "America's subway," the term used by Rep. Tom Davis (R-Va.), the sponsor of the bill, which also includes a lot more money for some other transit-related sh*t like Amtrak.

The $700 billion bailout, though? The only tangible outcome of that will be the ramen noodles we're all going to be eating for the next 10 years since creating that much more debt will render our dollar equal to that of the peso (if we're lucky) in the long-run. As Project Runway Season 3 contestant Santino Rice once lamented, "You can't shine a turd." And this $700 billion bailout is the most expensive turd polish America's ever seen.

P.S. -- In case you're wondering, the market-based economy isn't the turd, in my opinion; government meddling in it is. And, for that reason, I can't rightfully just blame general American overconsumption or those who were tricked into the government's subprime loan scheme. Although I do enjoy when people are personally responsible and have the common sense to know if they're making $40,000 per year not to buy a $500,000 townhouse, the underlying cause of our shambles of an economy is due to the U.S. government, which set people up to fail. Thank you for sharting (yes, I said sharting) all over the American dream.)