Thursday, August 7, 2008

i need cable

I also need to stop being poor. Dammit.

Anyway, in return for what I'm hoping might lead to a bit of national exposure, I'm going to pimp a television show that I've never seen on a television channel I have zero chance of ever hoping to watch as long as I remain poor. Again, dammit. But if my little intrepid self-promotion scheme goes as planned, hopefully I'll get a little link luv from the good globetrotters of The Travel Channel in the near future (*wink!*)

So, I received an E-mail from a TC public relations person today informing me of a television program called Passport To Great Weekends and tonight's episode, which airs at 10 p.m., just so happens to focus on this little slice of hell we live in, the District of Columbia:

"Samantha [the host, who apparently has caused a bit of controversy on her blog by hosting the show in short shorts] is spending a weekend in Washington, D.C., but don't expect it to be an average trip to the nation's capital. Sam's not meeting her congress person or visiting any monuments or galleries. She's intent on exposing the colorful, more fun side of the city by eating Ethiopian food, checking out a bohemian poetry event, shopping at the Eastern Market, and braving a drag queen brunch. Most people imagine D.C. to be a conservative and monochromatic place, but Sam will show us a vibrant and dynamic city that's anything but gray."

Let me be the first to say I am skeptical (shocking, I know!), although with a good edit, I'm sure the producers can come up with something beyond hordes of gnarly tourists. Even so though, I have my serious doubts that they can make D.C. look "vibrant" and "dynamic." As much as I'd enjoy it, you can't edit out this city's horrid sense of fashion. If I could (read: if I wasn't poor), I'd turn tonight's show into a drinking contest and take a shot every time I saw Samantha run into some dishabille douche in Crocs. I'd be drunk by 10:05 p.m. and probably dead by 10:30 p.m. -- my liver ain't a magician.

Anyway, I peeped the list of locations The Travel Channel is going to feature and frankly I'm saddened; Samantha's skipping over what is probably the most "vibrant" section of the city -- the H Street corridor. But listen, in the spirit of disgustingly obvious attempts to self-promote, let me make The Travel Channel an offer (that they can unfortunately refuse pretty easily): Take me on as a guest host and I will make sh*t right. I own short shorts.

But seriously, if you're home tonight and you're not poor and can afford cable, you might as well watch this, because really, after So You Think You Can Dance? puts a close to its epic season this evening, you'll need something to take your mind off how depressed you are. Although, I already grieved last week when Mark got booted. Stupid America. He had such major skills! Robert Byrd, restore my faith in this country!

Unfortunately, the exocism on Cheney failed.

Ahh...that's better. USA! USA! USA!


I-66 said...

So you want me to DVR this for you?

Socrates Johnson said...

I was in a conversation last night, talking about how Chennai's (arguably the worst major city in India) nightlife is actually better than DC's. We reached a resolution, concluding that DC is fine, its just most of the people there who suck.

Skywalker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Skywalker said...

Great Weekends isn't that bad - its actually kinda good. If you have 36 hours to visit - what would you hit (and no my Alabama congressman would not be on the list, neither would visiting the White House) - I would hit Mount Vernon trail, Olde Towne, and Georgetown when the preps are in low tide (as non existent), etc.

I would say you're not missing much with no cable - if you have internet, you can see most of your shows over that medium instead.

Cable has started fights in my house - who can watch what and when.

Jeneric said...

Cable sucks. I have survived w/out it for 4+ years now and I think my brain is finally recovering from cable television induced atrophy.

Ditto on the H street comment. bohemian poetry event vs. burlesque show? I think there is a clear winner here.

Shannon said...

I got the same email! The difference is that I didn't even read it. Thanks for taking one for the team.

Brandon said...

I watched it. A few key points:

1. Samantha Brown is very attractive for an older gal, but it feels like my mom is hosting the show as far as personality goes. She's cheesy, corny and tries too hard to be as cool as Anthony Bourdain.

2. They hit the Kayaking in Georgetown, the U St. Corridor Adams Morgan, Eastern Market and Brunch at a Drag Show. The only thing that felt stupid was the drag show. I've lived in several cities that have this type of event so I'm not sure why they think it's indicative of DC.

3. They could've certainly hit the Atlas District, but that's a bit more alternative for someone like Samantha Brown.

4. The show was only a 1/2 hour. It didn't feel like enough time to really explore the city. There was no mention of Dupont and they completely glossed over Adams Morgan (to be fair, it's probably for the best anyway since that area sucks).

Proustian said...

First of all, the host's voice (or maybe it's her intonation) drives me crazy. I would try to ignore it but the travel channel insists on advertising their other shows while I'm trying to watch me some Bourdain. ugh, she's so cheezy.

The problem is that DC's suckiness cannot accurately be captured or described to people who are not familiar with it on a day to day basis. I was recently complaining about DC to a friend in San Francisco (the city of my birth, God knows what reason I left it) and a few days ago she sent me an email from a friend of a friend who used to live in DC and is apparently "cool and hip" with a list of not lame places in DC. The thing is the places on the list are places that I already know about. And it's true, they're actually places with good food, alcohol, music, all the things that should make it enjoyble (btw: wonderland, the raven, atomic billiards, st. ex, big hunt). DC doesn't lack genuinely great options, it's just that they're ruined by...I honestly dont' know how to finish that sentence...the people? the clothes? the tourists? the politicians? the lack of a soul?

Marissa said...


You'd have to play the drinking game with me.


Interesting, The Law and I had the same discussion with the same conclusion. It's 'cause we're cooler than everyone else.


You're right. As long as I can watch Project Runway on YouTube, I really don't feel I'm missing much. Except for VH1's "I Love Money." That sh*t looks exceptional.


You know, I've never been to the burlesque show out there. I usually just go for the $1 Sparks. Because I'm an alcoholic. A classy one.


Team? What? I work for no one but myself. I hate people.


But did you count the Crocs sitings?! I need to know how much liquor to buy for my drinking game.


I agree with you re: the city. It's not inherently sucky. There are a few good bars, several good restaurants; it's extremely walkable/bikeable; there's a lot of green space; outside of downtown there is some gorgeous architecture, etc. I'm pretty sure it's the tool factor. Much like murder, DC is also the highest per capita in number of tools. It's a shame.

maryjanejeff said...

I must defend my nearby hood. The preppy douchebag quotient in Old Town is nowhere near what is is in Georgetown. But don't let that get out to the masses of douchebags, come down here and see for your cooler selves. :)

BTW if you want $3 Guinness bottles from 4-8 pm and are on U Street, go to The Duke House, U and 12th.