Tuesday, August 19, 2008

it's hard to look this cool all the time

DC is many things. Fashion-forward is not one of them. While this fact of life has proven itself true several times already, today, it proved itself again as I made my way from the eye doctor to my office in the beautiful, retina-scalding sunny weather.

Yes, after a series of eye drops, vision tests and bright lights, my eyes were left in such a dilated state that the mere thought of a lit-up BlackBerry screen made me wince in pain (although, that's more of a general feeling, actually). Basically, I couldn't look at any light, so the doctor provided me with a lovely and stylish item to dull the pain -- RolLens post-mydriatic sunglasses (retail value $0.34).

Now, if a rolled up piece of tinted plastic isn't the future of fashion, I don't know what the hell is. But save for a few geriatric glaucoma patients, sporting the RolLens in public is unprecedented. Yet there I was, a 20-something female, about to map the uncharted fashion path that is the mainstay of many a post-op octogenarian.

The near-perfect douche-face and retardulous gang sign are indispensable to the busted spectacles-over-RolLens look.

Worn alone, a pair of RolLens shades are fantastic, but paired with a 10-plus-year-old cracked pair of spectacles is simply out of sight! (Get it?! LOL!) Yet, apparently not everyone appreciates my post-mydriatic-inspired style. I recognize that I clearly looked like an asshole, a state of being not abnormal for me, but not even the elderly gentleman in his Rascal scooter gave me a nod of approval. In fact, I seemed to get more confused stares than compliments on my brave, avant-garde choice. However, all of that changed when I got to the office and stopped by to say hello to my boss.

What the hell happened?"

"I went to the eye doctor. I'm thinking about getting laser eye surgery."

"Well, you're looking more Euro-trash than usual."

I admit, I got a little verklempt at that point. My club-kid-on-E-like dilated saucer eyes even teared up a bit behind my RolLens. *sigh* My office knows me so well.


De in D.C. said...

FYI, whatever code you use for your convo. recap font doesn't show up in my feed reader. This has happened before (no clue why it's doing that).

Good luck with the lasik if you decide to do it. I had my eyes done last summer, and it was the best money I ever spent.

Matt said...

Damn! girl... You lookin' fly, yo.

Cyndy said...

It's good to sport the "what the hell?" look every now and then. It's character-building. You've got just enough attitude to pull this off. look. And your boss is a hoot!

Marissa said...


Ahh! Thanks for that. I changed the font color. It should show up now.


By "fly," I'm going to assume you mean "retarded."


I have perfected the asshole demeanor quite well over the years. And my boss is more than a hoot. Seriously. Hilarious.

The Internet said...

You know what is a hoot? The fact that you are still looking like an asshole.

Marissa said...

the internet--


I-66 said...

Goose + douche = Gouche.



Stevious said...

You know, they don't actually make it so you can shoot lasers out of your eyes. How disappointing.

BAD said...


By "fly," Matt means you have eyes all over your face. Like a fly.

Elle Gee said...

Unrelated -

It is just me, or have you not yet blogged about the controversy around Ben Stiller's new movie's usage of your fave insult/compliment, "retarded"? Get on that, lady...

Your blog makes me snort out loud (SOL?).

maryjanejeff said...

DEVO rules! :)

Anonymous said...

Marissa, please show us the way to the Reading Rainbow. (pv)

LivitLuvit said...

I love that the same city who cut their big toe off of their nylons so that they could wear them with flip flops... judged your RolLens.

Marissa said...


Gouche. Nice. Good one.


You just crushed my dreams...


You deserve a whole vat of Boudreau's Butt Paste for that zing!

elle gee--

I haven't seen that movie yet! But I do want to. I'll see what kind of blogging I can do with that. And re: SOL -- LOL!


Ah yes! Good call on DEVO. All I need is that red hat. Oh, and musical talent.


You know I could never take the palce of Lamar.


I know! And for that, I'll be wearing my RolLens all weekend.