Wednesday, August 20, 2008

pc dc is ridiculous

Perhaps it's because no one wants to be labeled as sexist, racist, "lookist" (yes, that apparently exists), weightist, ageist or otherwise insensitive to anyone ever, I've found people in DC and I don't often see eye-to-eye on humor. The Capitol Steps aren't funny. People who find the Capitol Steps funny are probably the same people who find the use of the word "retard" in Tropic Thunder offensive. It's called context, fools. Settle down. Stop acting so retarded. (Zing!)

I'm sure these people or some other "concerned group of citizens" would take offense to one of my patented rape jokes, one of my comic specialties, as well. Rape jokes are funny, as are often jokes that involve the aforementioned subjects (i.e. race, sex, retardation, etc.), especially if the delivery is good. In fact, I'm a firm believer in laughing at everything; it makes life more bearable.

I mean, think about it. Leaving aside obvious LOL-inducing topics like sexism and racism, let's take incurable diseases as an example. Nothing about having cancer is fun. But who's to say nothing about it can't be funny? Why not take something sucky and turn it around for a laugh? I have faith in humanity (and perhaps that will be my downfall) that most people are mature enough to know that an immature, albeit hilarious cancer joke doesn't necessarily mean the person who told it doesn't understand cancer is a big f*cking, sh*tty deal. Cancer sucks. We all know this. Some of us know it more than others, whether you've been unfortunate enough to get it or know someone who had or has it, but all of us can still laugh at it. Why should cancer escape our mocking?

Few people in DC seem to understand this kind of outlook on life, which may be why I have no friends so many people seem so skittish and scared to say anything that doesn't align with whatever politically correct group of douches they've pigeon-holed themselves into. This is all a damn shame because people who aren't afraid to think something that shouldn't be funny is actually funny make life exponentially more enjoyable to live.

Let's take Sarah Silverman, for example. No doubt sometimes this bitch is annoying (her voice), but she tells a fine AIDS joke: "When God gives you AIDS, make lemon-AIDS!" Zing! Can you imagine her at a soiree in Georgetown? Hmm, actually, I can. And it'd be hilarious! People's heads would explode. Better yet, can you imagine her testifying on the Hill? That would be priceless. Congress would collectively sh*t their khakis.

Anyway, the reason I get to this is because of an incident that occurred the other day. To protect those involved in this incredibly sensitive world that is America, I won't tell you who or where this conversation occurred, but I will provide details to the extent that I can without getting sued.

It all happened last week when I was watching the Olympics, of course. The United States had won the 4-by-100-meter swimming relay with a team consisting of the great Michael Phelps (of course, he's magic), Jason Lezak, Garret Webber-Gale and Cullen Jones, the third-ever African-American to make a U.S. Olympic swimming team. This prompted a person who happened to be in the same room as me and some other crackers to say black people are bad swimmers because their muscle tissue is "more dense" and white people are general "more buoyant." Naturally, after hearing someone spout off something so absurd, the other palefaces and I laughed and cracked some jokes to him about being a racist. Turns out, people don't like being called a racist, so he got a bit offended and tried to look up a study online. However, after not being able to find one (hmm, I wonder why?), we all resumed laughing and made additional jokes about him being a racist. It really was good times. For us. Not him, apparently.

The best, however, was the aftermath of me retelling those events in a gchat to my good friend, The Law, who then forwarded my recount to our friend The Cap'n, a black man and a swimmer. His reaction, which he E-mailed back to The Law, who then forwarded it to me (so many hilarious layers to this tale), sums up why I heart my diverse group of friends with our very specific (and offensive) sense of humor:

"So now Marissa is hanging out with racists? Why didn't she just mention me? I can swim, and ski, and sound white over the phone. I also have a job, credit cards, and a mortgage. So there is always an exception to the rule."

Cap'n, you are a comic genius. Unfortunately, he doesn't live in DC.

In summary, the next time someone tells you a joke about a gay Samoan midget having ass cancer, don't get all hot and bothered. Just laugh.


Matt said...

Good points, Marissa.

Reminds me of how Frank Zappa took a lot of guff for being (supposedly) misogynistic because he had a handful of songs about (dumb) women that could be (taken) derogatory. But in the grand scope of his recorded output, he had a LOT more songs about dumb men. No one called him a misandrist, though!

Anyhum... I'm (parantheticly) outta here. Thanks for your writings.

nate said...

What did the blind, deaf, mute, quadriplegic kid get for Christmas?


If you laughed, you're obviously going to hell...

Marissa said...


It's true. I think anything can be funny in the right context. And it takes a truly mature person to appreciate the most immature of jokes. Can you believe these nuggets of wisdom are free?! (Thanks for reading!)


Well, I will see you in hell. Also, I think I love you. That joke is priceless.

Lemmonex said...

Huh. I think you are being a bit tough on the folks in DC. My friends and I have been known to say some pretty offensive shit.

luscious leo said...

That's why leo left d.c. for the northeast. No sense of humor here. What kind of a world do we live in where AIDS jokes before 10 a.m. are frowned upon rather than applauded?

Adam said...

The category tags for this post are priceless, especially when read as a haiku.

Marissa said...


Like the Cap'n said re: his "job, credit cards, and mortgage," there are always exceptions to the rule.


Oh Leo! You must return! You must know we're soulmates!


I was debating whether to create the "butt cancer" category. Now I'm very glad I did.

Greg Szeto said...

haha i love you.

and sarah silverman. nothing like a good rape joke.

Anonymous said...

Please, someone make Blazing Saddles 2. Downtown DC would be drenched with the blood from the heads of all the uptight douchebags that think the only way to be a racist or bigot is to do it in the closet of their own home.

I know they chuckle when Mencia makes a joke about a "beaner", but go stone faced when they notice they're being watched. I've been keeping my eye on them. It's okay. Just laugh, let it out. I'm referring to the laughter, not the shit you are filled up to your eyes with.


Stevious said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stevious said...

I hope you get face cancer, racist bitch.

Peter said...

Whoa sweet face cancer. On a related note have you heard the Russian joke about the little kid with no arms?

He asks his mother for a piece of candy. She looks down at him sternly and says

"No arms, no candy!"

It's funny in Russian.

Marissa said...


True, nothing like a good rape joke to bring people together.


What I've noticed is that people willing to laugh at or tell politically incorrect jokes are not usually the racist bigots. Slightly ironic, I suppose.


I'm glad you revised the comment to make it stronger. Face cancer. Wow. That's a good one.


You've been in the motherland for such a long time, however, I think I've been able to translate it in my head, but am I missing some play or words that makes it even funnier?!

liz said...

In response to the 'Tropic Thunder' article:
What's the only thing better than winning the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

Marissa said...


I admit you had me fooled right now. That joke has been in circulation between me, a gay and a girl with your name for a couple of years now. I thought you were her! She denies it! When worlds collide...alas, great minds think alike. Classic!