pc dc is ridiculous

Perhaps it's because no one wants to be labeled as sexist, racist, "lookist" (yes, that apparently exists), weightist, ageist or otherwise insensitive to anyone ever, I've found people in DC and I don't often see eye-to-eye on humor. The Capitol Steps aren't funny. People who find the Capitol Steps funny are probably the same people who find the use of the word "retard" in Tropic Thunder offensive. It's called context, fools. Settle down. Stop acting so retarded. (Zing!)

I'm sure these people or some other "concerned group of citizens" would take offense to one of my patented rape jokes, one of my comic specialties, as well. Rape jokes are funny, as are often jokes that involve the aforementioned subjects (i.e. race, sex, retardation, etc.), especially if the delivery is good. In fact, I'm a firm believer in laughing at everything; it makes life more bearable.

I mean, think about it. Leaving aside obvious LOL-inducing topics like sexism and racism, let's take incurable diseases as an example. Nothing about having cancer is fun. But who's to say nothing about it can't be funny? Why not take something sucky and turn it around for a laugh? I have faith in humanity (and perhaps that will be my downfall) that most people are mature enough to know that an immature, albeit hilarious cancer joke doesn't necessarily mean the person who told it doesn't understand cancer is a big f*cking, sh*tty deal. Cancer sucks. We all know this. Some of us know it more than others, whether you've been unfortunate enough to get it or know someone who had or has it, but all of us can still laugh at it. Why should cancer escape our mocking?

Few people in DC seem to understand this kind of outlook on life, which may be why I have no friends so many people seem so skittish and scared to say anything that doesn't align with whatever politically correct group of douches they've pigeon-holed themselves into. This is all a damn shame because people who aren't afraid to think something that shouldn't be funny is actually funny make life exponentially more enjoyable to live.

Let's take Sarah Silverman, for example. No doubt sometimes this bitch is annoying (her voice), but she tells a fine AIDS joke: "When God gives you AIDS, make lemon-AIDS!" Zing! Can you imagine her at a soiree in Georgetown? Hmm, actually, I can. And it'd be hilarious! People's heads would explode. Better yet, can you imagine her testifying on the Hill? That would be priceless. Congress would collectively sh*t their khakis.

Anyway, the reason I get to this is because of an incident that occurred the other day. To protect those involved in this incredibly sensitive world that is America, I won't tell you who or where this conversation occurred, but I will provide details to the extent that I can without getting sued.

It all happened last week when I was watching the Olympics, of course. The United States had won the 4-by-100-meter swimming relay with a team consisting of the great Michael Phelps (of course, he's magic), Jason Lezak, Garret Webber-Gale and Cullen Jones, the third-ever African-American to make a U.S. Olympic swimming team. This prompted a person who happened to be in the same room as me and some other crackers to say black people are bad swimmers because their muscle tissue is "more dense" and white people are general "more buoyant." Naturally, after hearing someone spout off something so absurd, the other palefaces and I laughed and cracked some jokes to him about being a racist. Turns out, people don't like being called a racist, so he got a bit offended and tried to look up a study online. However, after not being able to find one (hmm, I wonder why?), we all resumed laughing and made additional jokes about him being a racist. It really was good times. For us. Not him, apparently.

The best, however, was the aftermath of me retelling those events in a gchat to my good friend, The Law, who then forwarded my recount to our friend The Cap'n, a black man and a swimmer. His reaction, which he E-mailed back to The Law, who then forwarded it to me (so many hilarious layers to this tale), sums up why I heart my diverse group of friends with our very specific (and offensive) sense of humor:

"So now Marissa is hanging out with racists? Why didn't she just mention me? I can swim, and ski, and sound white over the phone. I also have a job, credit cards, and a mortgage. So there is always an exception to the rule."

Cap'n, you are a comic genius. Unfortunately, he doesn't live in DC.

In summary, the next time someone tells you a joke about a gay Samoan midget having ass cancer, don't get all hot and bothered. Just laugh.