"You know what? Go ahead and wear a giant white leather belt with crazy silver (Navajo? S&M-inspired?) buttons all over it. And why not get crazy and pair it with your favorite blue tablecloth top. Why the f*ck not? At least it’s not boring and plain. Oh, but wait. What’s that attached to your giant studded belt? No it couldn’t possibly be a F*CKING BLACKBERRY HOLDER!!! Oh God, why?"
Mein eyes! They're self-immolating! O, the humanity!