Thursday, March 6, 2008

first there was the wheel, then the nuclear bomb...and now...

Some sort of magical laptop bag that would allow airline passengers to keep their sh*t in their carry-ons! How novel! Well, let's hope science catches up to those wild ideas! If only Mr. Wizard was still with us...*sigh*

Anyway, according to a Mar. 3 announcement:

TSA is seeking prototype laptop computer bags and designs that would reduce, if not eliminate altogether, the unloading and repacking time of laptops at security checkpoints in airports. Specifically, TSA would like industry to create bag designs that would allow passengers to not remove their laptops from carry-on bags for security screening.

Um, or, if I may interject here, maybe we just need to invent some sort of X-ray machine that can f*cking see through goddamn leather. Or nylon. Or ziploc. Or whatever the hell bags are made out of today. Just a logical thought...

But, hold up! Before I start thinking logically here (I'm probably so on a watchlist right now. Next stop Guantanamo!), let's examine the ingenious reasoning behind this new-fangled bag of the future! (Brace yourself for more rocket science!)

By allowing passengers to keep their laptops in their computer or carry-on bags, TSA can further reduce wait times at the checkpoint and improve the overall passenger security experience.
How fantastical! Because not having to take a large piece of technology out of an easily accessible bag is certainly going to save us oodles of time! Fabulous! Now we'll have those extra 2.2 seconds to drain and separate our benign liquids, bag them up in regular old-fashioned bags, remove our shoes, coats, jewelry, belts, pants (What? You don't have to take off your pants? Dammit!), and watch as the INCREDIBLY COMPETENT security personnel checks their cell phones or scopes out your ass while they should be looking at the machines though which all of your now awkwardly separated goods are traveling. Brilliant, folks! Just. Effing. Brilliant.

And because it never gets old to make fun of the U.S. government, I invite you to watch SNL's take on some other retardulous TSA regulations. Turkey sandwich!

P.S. -- This was my 100th post!


John said...

the thing that pisses me off most about airport security is that every damn airport in the world has a different policy on this shit. some make you take the laptop out, some look at you funny if you even suggest the possibility, some you can't get through the metal detector wearing a belt, and others, well, let's say moscow night clubs have better security.

in conclusion: fuck a bunch of airport security. and fuck al qaeda for all this faggot ass bullshit. why couldn't you have just suicide bombed the shit out of the twin towers?

Marissa said...

Um, "john," I'll be referring you directly to DHS now. Your last paragraph is honestly disturbing.