oh...my...god...not the deadly knitting grannies!

Thank goodness for the Department of Homeland Security! I mean, these clowns save us on planes every day by making us take off our shoes and only carry four ounces or less of shampoo and conditioner. They save us by building crappy expensive fences to keep out those wily Mexicans who keep stealing our jobs that we refuse to take! And, of course, I'd be remiss not to point out how they're saving us from ourselves each and every day by pushing through with the shambles that is the REAL ID program, a project that pretty much does nothing but raise our taxes, oh, and sets up the perfect storm for mass identity theft. (But who needs tax money to fund such piddly things such as our international intelligence services that may actually *help* defend against "the terrorists." Oh wait, to do that they'd have to actually gather correct information. Eh.)

And today, my e-friends, Big Brother the government has taken yet another glorious step to save us from the biggest threat of all. Al-Queda? No. North Korea? Not it. Iranian nuclear ambitions? Of course not. No, my fellow comrades citizens, they're saving us from the "Granny Peace Brigade Knit-in!"

According to a DHS press release circulated today, these so-called "Grannies" (read: Terrorists) are planning a (*gasp*) sit-in tomorrow at noon outside the Veterans Affairs office at 810 Vermont Ave., NW. And although 80-year-old ladies armed with yarn and a couple of knitting needles certainly leads me to assume a bit of Clockwork Orange-style ultra violence will ensue, DHS wants you all to breath slightly easier: "Violence is not likely and there should be minimal disruptions to routine activities." Violence is not likely my ass!

Interestingly, of the other nine terrorist organizations protest groups slated to do their thing tomorrow, which happens to be the 5-Year Anniversary of the start of the Iraq War [*cue streamers and balloons!*], DHS attached the word "violence" to only one other group -- "Disrupt the War Profiteers," a student group that rallies against large corporations like ExxonMobil, Halliburton, and Lockheed Martin.

My money's on the Grannies for throwing the first punch. Take 'em down! And, if it's not too much trouble, I could use another pair of fingerless gloves. Thx!