Friday, March 14, 2008

tonite DC's female population will cry itself to sleep

I'm sorry ecstatic to be the bearer of bad awesome news, but, um, I have something to tell you, DC's female population. Oh, this is so hard easy for me to say:

The value of Ann Taylor stocks is dropping quicker than Elliot Spitzer's pants at the Mayflower (wah, waaaah!).

According to a Bloomberg article, the company, "geared toward [dishabille] women 25 (LOL!) to 55," experienced a net loss of $6.67 million or 11 cents a share in its fourth-quarter after announcing 13 percent of head-office positions would be cut and 117 stores would close (hallelujah!).

"AnnTaylor is in the most competitive sector of retail,'' David Abella, some rich investor betting on your bad taste, told Bloomberg. He added, it "also happens to be the weakest.'' This rich bitch then proceded to sell his AnnTaylor shares. Snap!

So what does this all mean? Well, for one, it means if you own Ann Taylor stock, your investment portfolio is suffering. (Although, really, if you own any stock, it means your investment portfolio is suffering. Need I remind you that the once dominant currency of the Free World fell to a RECORD LOW yesterday against the sexier, more stylish Euro. *cue electronic music*) And two, it hopefully means more Ann Taylor stores will close as their profits continue to plummet.

In conclusion, I'm sorry glad, DC women, that your go-to store for gnarly apparel is on the brink of destruction. But perhaps this is just the proverbial kick-in-the-ass many young DC females need to stop dressing like middle-aged assholes. Just a thought...

9 comments:

Shannon said...

Laugh all you want, but an Ann Taylor cashmere sweater at 70% off is a pretty sweet deal.

But it is striking a blow for the stylish - ugly money and frumpy clothes are on the downswing!

Velvet said...

Ann Taylor sucks the big one. They always have and they always will. Now, even more so! HA!

I-66 said...

As long as they replace Ann Taylor stores with Cold Stone Creamery stores I'm fine with it.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

I look i-66's idea

Ann Taylor clothes are worn by Republican Housewives who carry toy dogs in Designer Purses. Now granted I am a purse whore, but I do not wear Ann Taylor clothes.

Kudos to this post............

Marissa said...

shannon--

I must respectfully disagree. Ann Taylor should pay *you* to wear their clothes, cashmere or not.

velvet--

As always, you offer real wisdom.

i-66--

I've never been to Coldstone. But I must say anything that would usher out an Ann Taylor retailer can only be good.

cap hill--

I think instead of "designer purses," you mean Louis Vuitton knock-offs. Blech.

I-66 said...

What the crap?

Get thee to a Cold Stone and order a Cake n' Shake! It's a party in your mouth.

Peter said...

To be funny once I bought Masha an AT bathrobe that looked like something my grandmother would wear. She threw it away.

ListenToLeon said...

This is gonna piss off my Mom. She's constantly in a damned Ann Taylor or Ann Taylor Loft. Between this news, and Bombay company going out of business a few months ago, they might have to put her on suicide watch!

Marissa said...

i-66--

So is that like a cake mixed up in a shake? Cause...um...that sounds kind of gnarly.

peter--

You are so cruel.

leon--

Oh snap. I have a feeling your mom will make it and come out of this stronger...and better dressed.