As those of you who live in DC probably already know, the Target store opened today in Columbia Heights' new mini-mall. Yay! After a few months of delays, the gentrification process is finally back on track! Well, that is, it was back on track until every local television newscaster began their quest earlier today to keep sh*tting on all of our parades. I swear, every teaser for the 11 p.m. newscast is warning that, along with those new mod accent lamps and that Isaac Mizrahi for Target blouse you bought, Target customers will also get at least one free mugging.
Now I'm no criminal (well, at least I don't break laws that affect other people), but if I were to mug someone, I'd prefer to jack handfuls of cash rather than well-priced yuppie paraphernalia. I mean, I don't think there's that large of a shadow economy for chenille throw pillows. Is there?
Anyway, I want to address the remainder of this post to Maureen Bunyan, Leon Harris, Todd McDermott, Doreen Gentzler and all the other fear-mongers masquerading as serious journalists: SHUT THE F*CK UP!
The Anti DC
(Call me if you're hiring!)