Monday, March 31, 2008

"eye" hate life (LOL!)

Life is hard sometimes. At least it's hard when you give yourself food poisoning (last week!) or an eye infection (this week!). Basically, at 28 years old, I've very much proven in the past two weeks that I am unable to care for myself, which ultimately resulted in me once again ruining a perfectly fine weekend by f*cking up my health unnecessarily. Instead of broccoli, however, this time I blame some bad mascara*, which caused my eyes to become a red veiny mess midweek last week. Yet, instead of appropriately tending to what was probably just an allergic reaction, this dumbass decided to not only continue to wear my contact lenses, but also use the suspect mascara again. I really am an idiot.

Well, needless to say, my retardedness (and lack of glasses) got me into a bit of a sticky situation by Saturday morning (and, of course, that disgusting eye infection pun was intended!), which led me to seek a bit of medical attention. However, medical attention is harder to get than it would seem in this quaint little town of ours. Since it was around 8 a.m. on a Saturday, I couldn't simply prance off (yes, prance) to a regular doctor's office. I instead had to find one of those "Urgent Care" facilities that aren't quite clinics and not quite emergency rooms. Turns out, however, that the closest Urgent Care office is located in effing Arlington. What?!

Yep, short of going to the emergency room, DC proper does not boast an Urgent Care facility. First, I can't get a decent haircut, and now I can't even get prescription-strength eye-drops without skipping town. Seriously, how is this not only supposedly a "major city," but also the presumable Capital of the Goddamn Free World? Even more awesome, this out-of-state Urgent Care facility isn't even metro accessible, which means on top of my ridiculously high co-pay, I also had to shell out nearly $40 in cab fares! That's rich!

But even worse than nearly blinding myself and having a not-so-excellent adventure in Gnarlington (LOL!), I missed the Ghostland Observatory show at the 9:30 Club -- a concert I'd been looking forward to for months. At one point, I even considered donning an eye-patch (which I would've bedazzled to match my outfit, of course) and heading out. However, "seeing" (ha!) as though I'm not even a big enough bitch to actively spread pink eye just so I could experience a concert with no peripheral vision, I decided against it. Karma is a killer, after all.

Anyway, on a happier note, my eye is quickly rebounding and hopefully I've learned another lesson to add to last week's gem of "Don't eat spoiled food." -- "Don't ever repeatedly use a product that irritates your eyes." Oh, and, "Buy a f*cking pair of glasses." Or I guess, maybe, "Move to a city where medical treatment is accessible." Whichever.

*For those who care about mascara, I DO NOT recommend L'Oreal Telescopic. I don't know what ophthamologist tested this sh*t, but in my experience, this grouping of chemicals is lethal. And honestly, besides irritating the capital "F" out of my poor eyes, it applied horribly. Never again.


Shannon said...

I went to an urgent care clinic in Southwest that time my kidney went rogue agent and tried to assassinate me...was that clinic not open over the weekend?

Anonymous said...

Huh, I've used that mascara and it didn't bother me (and my eyes are incredibly sensitive to things). Could it have been allergies? I don't know what it is about DC, but around this time every year since I moved here I become a coughing, sneezing, runny-nosed mess. Maybe it's all those damn cherry blossoms.

I-66 said...

You see?! You eat broccoli and the whole world goes to shit. Don't think for one moment that these two incidents are not related.

Marissa said...


Google maps never heard of what you're talking about. And we all know Google maps is the best. True. Double true.


Who knows what it was. It was this city exacting its revenge on me through eye makeup.


If I ever write a memoir the title may have to be "Broccoli -- It's A Cruel Bitch."

the law said...

Or "Broccoli -- It's a Jealous a Mistress"

Marissa said...

the law--

You are one brilliant hooker. I'd have to make it an audio memoir though so it could only be heard in a thick southern drawl. Jyyellllusss Misssssstressss.