yes, cops, please search and seize my property!

I'm no genius. If I was, I'd have figured out a way to make money off of the ridiculous amount of time I devote to this blog. Or, I'd remember to put my frozen goods into the freezer when I return from the grocery store instead of letting them sit overnight on the counter. I also wouldn't have splattered candle wax all over my wall just now (don't ask). Basically, I'm an idiot.

But despite my apparent need for adult supervision at the age of 28, I still manage to be smarter (and more ethical) than DC's city government. Take, for instance, this ingenious new anti-gun'n'drug plan, which seems to have been pulled directly out of the butts of Mayor Adrian Fenty and Police Chief Cathy Lanier. It's just that fresh.

Anyway, in this threefold plan, first police will go door-to-door asking to search people's homes. If someone actually agrees and the cops find guns'n'drugs, the police will take 'em. Lastly, once the police steal any found guns'n'drugs, the owners of said criminal items won't be arrested.

"If we come across illegal contraband, we will confiscate it," Lanier told the Washington Post. "But amnesty means amnesty. We're trying to get guns and drugs off the street."

Now, I'm not exactly sure how people who keep illegal guns'n'drugs feel about having the 5-o ransack their houses voluntarily, but allow me to postulate a scenario:

*knock-knock*

"Who's there?"

"The cops."

"The cops, who?"

"The cops who are here to look through your sh*t and take it."

"LOL! Good one!"

Seriously, what armed drug dealer in his or her right mind would actually invite the cops in as if it were some kind of f*cking tea party? I get that "amnesty" is supposed to be the bargaining chip in this situation, but it seems highly unlikely that on a random whim, keepers of illegal guns'n'drugs would interrupt their Days of Our Lives viewing schedules (because I'm sure they all care that Rolf is back) to give up their most prized and addictive criminal possessions. I mean, if those "no questions asked" guns-for-money programs don't seem to work, what makes the DC city government think this retardulous guns-for-nothing program will work? Just sayin'...

Meanwhile, I think my oven's been on for two days.