Wednesday, April 2, 2008

no really, am i taking crazy pills?!

Gaaawwwd. Two days in a row on Capitol Hill is enough to push someone off the wagon. Not that I was ever on the wagon. But if I was, I'd definitely be off right now. Lord, I need a cocktail...

Sure the Hill sucks because it's a hub for federal government tools to interact and ask such utterly useless questions like, "What keeps you up at night?" as a means of deciding how to spend upwards of $50 billion of our hard-earned income. (And PS -- Why is it always terrorists and jihadists that keep these people up at night? The goddamn noise on 16th Street keeps me up at night. Can they do something about that? Of course not.)

But I digress. Turning The Anti DC's keen eye back to the Hill, what I really want to explore is the fashion. Yes, again. Hill fashion is to me what terrorism is to the U.S. government -- an excuse to wax ridiculous over and over and over.

Ahem, so here we go. The fashion on the Hill often makes me physically recoil. It's like finding a rattle snake in your luggage. It makes no sense, but it happens.

And when something happens that you don't understand, naturally you begin to question the universe. Like Mugatu, you may even ask yourself, "Am I taking crazy pills?" Sadly, however, you're not. No drug is that twisted to make you hallucinate various versions of this:

O, the humanity!

And for those of you not from DC, yes, it really is that bad. But honestly, not dressing like a dishabille asshat is not that hard. However, in case you're having trouble, I've come up with three easy steps for you to follow to ensure you don't offend my senses again:
Step 1: BUY CLOTHES THAT FIT. If it doesn't fit, you must acquit change your goddamn outfit.

Step 2: USE A MIRROR. If you look ridiculous, change your goddamn outfit.

Step 3: STOP LOOKING LIKE AN ASSHOLE. Just. Stop. And change your goddamn outfit.
Hope this helps!



BAD said...

She looks like a flight attendant on Air Moldova.

Marissa said...


What? You know Eastern Bloc airliners prefer their stewardesses in mini skirts and stockings with seams up the back! Just like they like their airplanes fastened together with duct tape.

the law said...

I think you mean scotch tape. Duct tape hasn't made it to the Eastern Bloc yet, silly.

Marissa said...

the law--

Dang son! You're right. How quickly we forget...

Shannon said...

I thought she looked like a front desk check-in girl at an Embassy Suites.

Righteous (re)Style said...

Oh. My. God. You quoted "Zoolander" . . . that movie is a timeless work of art. "They're break-dance fighting"


Marissa said...

I tried so hard to find a clip of when he says he breaks down and starts ranting about the piano key necktie, but I couldn't find anything! Oh man, I need to watch that movie again.