Sure the Hill sucks because it's a hub for federal government tools to interact and ask such utterly useless questions like, "What keeps you up at night?" as a means of deciding how to spend upwards of $50 billion of our hard-earned income. (And PS -- Why is it always terrorists and jihadists that keep these people up at night? The goddamn noise on 16th Street keeps me up at night. Can they do something about that? Of course not.)
But I digress. Turning The Anti DC's keen eye back to the Hill, what I really want to explore is the fashion. Yes, again. Hill fashion is to me what terrorism is to the U.S. government -- an excuse to wax ridiculous over and over and over.
Ahem, so here we go. The fashion on the Hill often makes me physically recoil. It's like finding a rattle snake in your luggage. It makes no sense, but it happens.
And when something happens that you don't understand, naturally you begin to question the universe. Like Mugatu, you may even ask yourself, "Am I taking crazy pills?" Sadly, however, you're not. No drug is that twisted to make you hallucinate various versions of this:
And for those of you not from DC, yes, it really is that bad. But honestly, not dressing like a dishabille asshat is not that hard. However, in case you're having trouble, I've come up with three easy steps for you to follow to ensure you don't offend my senses again:
Step 1: BUY CLOTHES THAT FIT. If it doesn't fit, you mustHope this helps!
acquitchange your goddamn outfit.
Step 2: USE A MIRROR. If you look ridiculous, change your goddamn outfit.
Step 3: STOP LOOKING LIKE AN ASSHOLE. Just. Stop. And change your goddamn outfit.