American Apparel ... is being awarded a maximum $19,963,861 modification to a firm fixed price, indefinite quantity contract for Marine Corps combat utility uniforms. ...This proposal was originally Web solicited with 10 responses. Contract funds will not expire at the end of the current fiscal year. Date of performance completion is Apr. 18, 2009. The contracting activity is Defense Supply Center Philadelphia.
Zing! Our Marine Corp is going to look sharp! Mayhaps they will opt even to add a pink mélange scarf or a pair of big ol' plastic sunglasses to the official get-up?
Yes, e-friends, for those of you unfamiliar with current hipster fashion, American Apparel is *the* go-to place for all your super-tight basics, such as those shiny stir-up tights you've been coveting (um, or that
you I may have bought last week) or that velour sweatshirt you've had your eye on since 1988 (you know I have!). But who knew that American Apparel and its "anti-establishment" resident creeper Dov Charney were such besties with Bob Gates & Co.? Not I!
I can only hope that when we attack Iran (because you know our wacky government will!), our Marines will be able to make up for all the misinformation that leads us into another needless war and instead successfully shock and awe Ahmadinejad by greeting him in a hot lil' zip-up vest and a pair of zippy lil' hot pants. Semper Fi!*
*And before the U.S. government firmly places me on a terrorist watchlist for disrespecting the troops or whatever, let me reiterate that this is satire. My real-life friends in the military (two of which will be heading to Iraq shortly :(, btw) know it and I'm assuming most of you know it, as well. If not, well, now you do! But, seriously, just think how streamlined a soldier would be in these! Ooo-Rah-Tight!