Friday, April 18, 2008

hipsters really are taking over the world

Remember all the retarded hullabaloo that went down yesterday? The e-drama queen that I apparently am certainly does! But I also remember that it was I who noted that hipsters were, indeed, taking over the world and you know how I'm rarely wrong? (LOL!) Well, I'm upholding that tradition once again. Check out this announcement I received in my inbox earlier this week from our lovely Department of Defense:
American Apparel ... is being awarded a maximum $19,963,861 modification to a firm fixed price, indefinite quantity contract for Marine Corps combat utility uniforms. ...This proposal was originally Web solicited with 10 responses. Contract funds will not expire at the end of the current fiscal year. Date of performance completion is Apr. 18, 2009. The contracting activity is Defense Supply Center Philadelphia.
Zing! Our Marine Corp is going to look sharp! Mayhaps they will opt even to add a pink mélange scarf or a pair of big ol' plastic sunglasses to the official get-up?

Yes, e-friends, for those of you unfamiliar with current hipster fashion, American Apparel is *the* go-to place for all your super-tight basics, such as those shiny stir-up tights you've been coveting (um, or that you I may have bought last week) or that velour sweatshirt you've had your eye on since 1988 (you know I have!). But who knew that American Apparel and its "anti-establishment" resident creeper Dov Charney were such besties with Bob Gates & Co.? Not I!

I can only hope that when we attack Iran (because you know our wacky government will!), our Marines will be able to make up for all the misinformation that leads us into another needless war and instead successfully shock and awe Ahmadinejad by greeting him in a hot lil' zip-up vest and a pair of zippy lil' hot pants. Semper Fi!*

*And before the U.S. government firmly places me on a terrorist watchlist for disrespecting the troops or whatever, let me reiterate that this is satire. My real-life friends in the military (two of which will be heading to Iraq shortly :(, btw) know it and I'm assuming most of you know it, as well. If not, well, now you do! But, seriously, just think how streamlined a soldier would be in these! Ooo-Rah-Tight!

11 comments:

SickGirl said...

do you think the government will allow the uniforms to be made sweatshop-free as is american apparel standard or will they try to use manufacturing as a new torture tactic down in Guantanamo?

BAD said...

A reliable source tells me the marines will be wearing these:
http://store.americanapparel.net/tr480.html

Marissa said...

sickgirl--

Gitmo, for sure.

bad--

Heyyy! Seriously, how many do you already own???

HomeImprovementNinja said...

I always thought the American Apparel stuff looked kinda gay. But I guess it's not because who ever heard of gays in the military, right?

Marissa said...

ninja--

If by "gay" you mean happy and awesome! Overpriced, probs, but where else can a girl by shiny stirrup tights in a pinch? Riddle me that!

I-66 said...

You'll be safe. Think how silly they'll look trying to waterboard a freakin Goose!

suicide_blond said...

i actually saw a girl in those shiny pants ..and i may have been dwinking ...so my double take wasnt very subtle...and a fight nearly broke out! but just so you know...
when the DOD signs christian louboutin to design the shoes... welll...kiss me goodbye!! semper fi sugarbabies!...

Vinho said...

Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Vinho, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://vinho-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.

Marissa said...

goose--

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

suicide blonde--

And I will be right beside you. Ooo-rah!

vinho--

A hug and a kiss.

la said...

buy all the american appatrel stock you can by it will be at 21 and above by6 dec

Marissa said...

la--

As an absolute idiot when it comes to finances, I have no idea what you're talking about. But it sounds insider and it sounds awesome. Thanks for reading!