Shambles P.I.: dc better watch its proverbial back

The Anti DC is currently in the middle of a "blogolution," if you will. Why? I've traded in my circa-2004 beta phone for a brand new, ice blue, LG camera phone.

Shambles detection rates have increased exponentially.

It feels good to trade up to alpha technology. Not only does it coordinate better with my outfit aesthetics, but it truly means I can now commence my next diabolical e-plan -- Shambles P.I.*! That's right, e-friends, with the addition of this new covert camera, my sweet ass can now snap candid on-the-street shots of the sick and twisted scenes this city presents to me each and every day (kind of like that which I posted yesterday).

And not being one to waste time (LOL!), I initiated Shambles P.I. on the bus this morning. Notice anything bizarre going on here?


No? Here, look again...



That crazy bitch with the arrows around her head is putting on makeup. On a bus. And not just some pressed powder either. We're talking mascara, eyeliner and OTHER THINGS THAT CAN POKE HER EYE OUT. I know this isn't that odd of a thing in DC to conduct what should be at-home bathroom activities on public transportation, however, while it's not much better to act like a hot mess on the metro, at least the ride is smooth. For those of you not familiar with city buses, let me tell you that that sh*t rides dirty. There are bumps, twists and turns to deal with. In fact, I could barely take a clear photo, which made me even more incredulous. I mean, how in hell is someone trying to kohl her upper eyelids in this situation?

Seriously, ladies, take care of your personal hygiene at home. As last week's guest blogger Shannon of Disaffected Scanner Jockey said not long ago, "nobody needs to know how you got to be so pretty. ...A little bit of lipstick or a swoop of powder across the nose? Fine. But if it involves both hands and touching up your eyeliner by the fluorescent light of your BlackBerry? No. Just, no."

But more importantly on the bus, nobody wants to watch your eye, which you just popped out of its socket thanks to an ill-timed pothole and an errant mascara wand, ricohet off the dusty seat and roll down the dirt-encrusted aisle only to be stopped by one of the ridiculously loud teenagers who steps on it with his Skechers. Not tight.

*Otherwise known as, Operation Let's Get Sued!