Tuesday, April 29, 2008

true to the game (part 2)

Like a real hustler, my job is never done. And so continues True to the Game (Part 2) a.k.a. my trip to the Indian Head Highway Thrift Store. Yeah, I know my hustle is f*cking hardcore. Shoppin' ain't easy.

To recap, Part One highlighted not only my theory of finding decent vintage goods, but also my four well-worth-it purchases. Part Two, however, will cut more quickly to the proverbial chase: Basically, I've laid out here a low-resolution photo essay of sh*t I probably should've bought but found possibly even too ridiculous for the likes of my rather Euro-trashy, glovelets-and-skinny-yellow-jeans-wearing, I-love-posting-gratuitous-pictures-of-all-my-sweet-sweatervests aesthetic.

Brace yourselves because it's going to get sparkly and galactic!

You know, I came very, very close to purchasing this multi-colored, almost clownish tunic, but I passed it up to make sure I had enough flow to allow my procurement of True to the Game, i.e. THE GREATEST FABLE OF ALL TIME. (As we embark on this e-journey together, you will soon learn that on The Anti DC street dice will trump nearly everything, even clown gear). Anyway, before you stop believing in my style prowess (that is, if you ever somehow believed in it in the first place), I will tell you what exactly drew me to this shirt. Besides the sheer madness of the fabric's pattern (as well as the fabric itself -- classic '70s polyester), this blouse featured some quite interesting details, such as the button-cuffed sleeves, the square collar and the waist tie. I can see this looking good with a pair of slouchy boots and black city shorts. On second thought, I may need to find a $2 bill and go get this.

And here's where things got fabulously bad. Imagine a hooker...Wait, better yet, imagine you're in Moscow, Russia. Besides the snow, the Kremlin and the Putin, chances are you'll also see a few strumpet-fabulous footwear selections like this on the street. The toe is so sharp it could literally snuff a bitch out at one stab and the chain in the back, well, use your imagination. And to think! For just $5, you too could live the dream! It's a damn shame I'm not a size 9.

Uh huh. That is exactly what it looks like. That's a goddamn sequin vest patterned after not just a leopard, but a zebra too. This was pretty expensive at $10, but since it's a size XL, you know you'd be getting your money's worth. Seriously, I will buy this for somebody who will promise to actually wear it. I'll throw in a top hat for free.

And lastly, the pièce de résistance -- the velour jumpsuit. I don't know quite where to start with this ensemble. I mean, like I said, it's velour and it's a jumpsuit. The white satin patches on the shoulders and the detail at the cuffs add an extra spacey, almost galactic je ne sais quoi. I'm tempted to spend the $12 to buy this, sew "JUICY" across the ass, put it up on Ebay and watch the competing bids roll in from Georgetown. Like I said, I'm always hustling.


SickGirl said...

i found a hippy-tastic dress in poland last summer, tried it on, took pictures. loved it. but everyone told me it was pure hideous so i didn't buy it. "just sleep on it for a few...weeks" they said. i waited. then i went back and it was gone. everyone said it was ridiculous...i should have followed my dream damnit!

BAD said...

the rainbow tunic up top would look pretty sweet paired with yellow jeans! but the shoulders look so shifty it's probably not even worth it. good call.

but if you got the jumpsuit you could have sewn dice all over it, taken a cue from that Russian velour designer and called it "Magic Craps." it would have been your lucky rollin' outfit. Virginia would never have been the same.

I-66 said...

Talk about taking it back, I believe that jumpsuit was worn by the pilgrims.

N said...

I think crazy blazer lady would love that sequin vest.

Shannon said...

I would love the sparkly vest, but it would be WAY too big on me. I'd look very Veronica in Heathers.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

You should buy some of that Moscow-fabulous stuff and go out to some fancy jewelry stores in georgetown. Keep asking for bigger and bigger diamonds and try to haggle with them until they get really, really frustated.

"You make cheaper. I pay cash...no tax. I vant you make cheaper for me, I have cash...no tax."

Anonymous said...

I actually like that first top. It wouldn't suit me, but I can see it on someone younger and waif-ier than I.

Marissa said...


Never deny yourself the dream.


I must now have that velour jumpsuit!


Hip pilgrims.


If I ever am lucky enough to see her again, I will give her a head's up for sure.


The vest may be a large, but it has a back buckle that allows for adjustment!


I'll work on my accent. It's a bit shifty having been out for so many years. Ha! Russia sounds like prison! In that case, I <3 prison.


Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I'm fairly tall (5'9"), and was thinking it'd look good on someone super skinny'n'short.