Now doesn't he look happy? And we all know only two things make a Cheney smile -- secret Eastern European torture prisons and shooting people in the face. So, with happiness standards like that, riding a Segway around DC must be pretty epic. Luckily, DC is just douchetastic enough to have a company dedicated to such tours.
And you can bet your khaki-covered ass that I will be on one of those things sometime soon looking just as tool, er, I mean cool as these people in this unnessessarily long Segway advert. Hint: Skip to minute five when the freestylin' comes out. I can't wait to see this in the X-Games.