dc advertising takes toolish turn...

When I think of the word "marriage," the one thing that comes to mind is money, er, love. That is, when I attend weddings, see people getting engaged or think about the possibility myself (I think I've thought about it exactly five times now, which happens to correlate exactly to the amount of times my southern grandma has brought it up on the phone with me in the past few months), I like to at least pretend most people are signing away their independence getting married because they love their mates and can't fathom life without them.

And I think for the most part (at least in the United States), that is actually the case. You know, until the love wears off and these former newlyweds start proposing separations and divorces instead of honeymoons and babies (hey, those are statistics talking, not me!). But leave it to DC to skip the metaphorical fluffy bunnies, cotton candy and bright daffodils that compose love and instead turn what should be a tear-inducing event (even for robots like myself) into a douchey business deal. Check out the billboard I snapped yesterday on my walk home to the bar from work:

In case the resolution on my 1.3 megapixel cellphone camera doesn't lend itself to clear text, this gem reads, "Married people earn more money" and "Marriage Works." Really? This is what life has come to? Advertising marriage as if it were an equity fund? Now that's romance!

The geniuses behind this "Marriage Works USA" campaign (and may I underline here these are the geniuses that thought the rather unattractive and badly dressed couple made marriage actually look desirable) work for the "Campaign For Our Children," an organization "to address the high teen birth rate in Maryland through a comprehensive, hands-on program to educate children, parents and the general public."

So, they're "educating" me by taking a statistic way out of context and plastering it on the side of a bus stop using ugly models in bad clothes? I think they have some additional learning to do themselves about the advertising business. Ugly doesn't sell. Oh snap!

To illustrate my point even further, check out this photo from their Web site:

I don't know what makes me want to get married more -- her vaguely pissed off expression or the fact that the blank stare in her eyes makes her look only semi-conscious. Sign me up, Marriage Works USA! Your slick advertising campaign has convinced me to forgo looking for a so-called "soulmate" (psshaw!) and instead just go for the next middle-income chubby man in a polyester suit that comes my way, i.e., like the next guy I see on the street. (Oh yeah! I just said that!)