Monday, January 28, 2008

dc, please stop being ugly

There are only a few scripted shows on television that I consider "must see TV" -- CSI: Miami, Lost and Ugly Betty. I like these three particular shows for three very different reasons: David Caruso's dramatic sunglasses-on-sunglasses-off one liners, Sawyer, and colorful cinematography, respectively. Yet while I admit Ugly Betty is one of my favorites (even if it's sometimes as corny as a douche-delivered pick-up line), I have one proverbial bone to pick with it: Why, for the love of patent leather, is Betty still ugly after a year of working at the fictionalized version of Vogue?!

Seriously. Think about it. I get the whole "fish-out-of-water" premise and all, but does anyone else find it ridiculous that after working in fashion for over a year, being besties with the in-house designer and having a live-in gay nephew, Betty still dresses like a senile 85-year-old cat lady whose hobbies include bingo, paying for everything in change and leaving the stove on for days?

Honestly. It was funny at first, but now -- in the middle of Season 2 -- it is truly grating on my nerves. I mean, for reals?

For reals.

And the above two examples aren't even the worst of the worst. Gawd! I just want to cut her hair, wax her eyebrows and give her an outfit that doesn't make her look mentally deranged. I mean, they don't have to make her as good-looking as the actress who plays her is in real life, but, Jebus, at least make her look like someone whose chosen mode of transportation isn't the goddamned short bus...

Which brings the point back to DC. While I was watching last Thursday's show, I realized that the feelings I have about Ugly Betty are identical to those I have about DC or really anyone who intentionally makes themselves less attractive than they otherwise would be had they simply gotten a better haircut and opted for flattering clothing.

But can someone ugly really control it? Yes.

A friend of mine once said, "Ugly people make me angry bother me." At first I was a bit shocked by the statement, as I always had thought "being ugly" was like "being blind." I figured it was something that just couldn't be helped. I responded, "Whoa. That is really mean, even for me. You can't mock someone for something they can't control. It's just not funny that way."

But my friend maintained that, unlike a true disability, people could control how how ugly they were; it could be helped. My friend explained that most people aren't in fact born ugly. Instead, they choose to make themselves that way either by "letting themselves go" or by dressing to flatter only their more unflattering features.

After a few seconds of thought, I realized that I fully agreed with her; BEING UGLY IS NOT NECESSARY. There is always a means to enhancing your best features while downplaying your worst.

However, aside from pleading with DC's men to stop dressing like assholes, I won't try to prescribe a means for DC's women to stop being ugly, mainly because there is at least one local blogger doing that much better than I ever could. But I will offer some evidence of my friend's and my theory.

A more flattering haircut, a little makeup, and eliminating the black pearl earrings and whatever-the-hell kind of scarf that is can go a long way.

So please, DC, please! STOP BEING UGLY. That is all.


Jared Nagel said...

I cannot agree with you more on DC style...and I'm enjoying the blog, but linking to the brightestyoungthing tools is never a good idea. Those stupid trust-fund kids think DC is rad...and awesomely nu-rave (aww man another sponsored party!! -- no wonder DC sucks).

Marissa said...


Thanks, it's nice to know someone else besides me is enjoying this blog. Hooray!

I think, however, we might have to agree to disagree on BYT. Although I have yet to attend one of their parties, I think the fact that they're actually making an effort to have parties -- parties that don't involve politics -- can't be all that bad for DC.

But whenever I learn to DJ properly, I'll throw my own party. I will sponser it with my awesomeness. Everyone's invited!

Maya said...

i believe it was "ugly people bother me." but same difference.

Marissa said...


You're right! It's all coming back to me now. Hard to believe that conversation was well over a year ago! You seriously taught me a life lesson that I'll never forget. I'll go ahead and edit for historical accuracy now. xo

Velvet said...

It is the fault of ugly people for being ugly. What makes someone ugly? Well, okay, besides the obvious zings someone could spout at me right now about my attitude, but whatever! Bad hair, bad makeup, bad body, Kmart clothes, it's all a means to becoming uglified. I just saw what I thought was the ugliest girl on a makeover show and even she cleaned up okay. Everyone has the potential to be a 5 or more on the 1-10 scale.

Keep hating!

BAD said...

oh, I remember when Maya said she didn't like ugly people! If my memory serves me, it's not because they're ugly, but because they have a chip on their shoulder about being ugly and that makes them mean. wow, they really dug themselves into a hole, didn't they?

Marissa said...


Exactly! When will people learn?!


Yes! I think there is a deeper problem with intentionally ugly people that goes even beyond me, you and the world having to look at their fugly asses. I think it's human to want to present yourself nicely and the more you're content with your shell, the better your inner personality will come across...that is if you have a good personality, but that's a whole other post, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

"I think there is a deeper problem with intentionally ugly people that goes even beyond me, you and the world having to look at their fugly asses."

hahaha! i really needed a laugh this afternoon. thanks and keep it up!

Marissa said...

Awww shucks, anonymous. Thanks!