dc, please stop being ugly

There are only a few scripted shows on television that I consider "must see TV" -- CSI: Miami, Lost and Ugly Betty. I like these three particular shows for three very different reasons: David Caruso's dramatic sunglasses-on-sunglasses-off one liners, Sawyer, and colorful cinematography, respectively. Yet while I admit Ugly Betty is one of my favorites (even if it's sometimes as corny as a douche-delivered pick-up line), I have one proverbial bone to pick with it: Why, for the love of patent leather, is Betty still ugly after a year of working at the fictionalized version of Vogue?!

Seriously. Think about it. I get the whole "fish-out-of-water" premise and all, but does anyone else find it ridiculous that after working in fashion for over a year, being besties with the in-house designer and having a live-in gay nephew, Betty still dresses like a senile 85-year-old cat lady whose hobbies include bingo, paying for everything in change and leaving the stove on for days?

Honestly. It was funny at first, but now -- in the middle of Season 2 -- it is truly grating on my nerves. I mean, for reals?


For reals.


And the above two examples aren't even the worst of the worst. Gawd! I just want to cut her hair, wax her eyebrows and give her an outfit that doesn't make her look mentally deranged. I mean, they don't have to make her as good-looking as the actress who plays her is in real life, but, Jebus, at least make her look like someone whose chosen mode of transportation isn't the goddamned short bus...

Which brings the point back to DC. While I was watching last Thursday's show, I realized that the feelings I have about Ugly Betty are identical to those I have about DC or really anyone who intentionally makes themselves less attractive than they otherwise would be had they simply gotten a better haircut and opted for flattering clothing.

But can someone ugly really control it? Yes.

A friend of mine once said, "Ugly people make me angry bother me." At first I was a bit shocked by the statement, as I always had thought "being ugly" was like "being blind." I figured it was something that just couldn't be helped. I responded, "Whoa. That is really mean, even for me. You can't mock someone for something they can't control. It's just not funny that way."

But my friend maintained that, unlike a true disability, people could control how how ugly they were; it could be helped. My friend explained that most people aren't in fact born ugly. Instead, they choose to make themselves that way either by "letting themselves go" or by dressing to flatter only their more unflattering features.

After a few seconds of thought, I realized that I fully agreed with her; BEING UGLY IS NOT NECESSARY. There is always a means to enhancing your best features while downplaying your worst.

However, aside from pleading with DC's men to stop dressing like assholes, I won't try to prescribe a means for DC's women to stop being ugly, mainly because there is at least one local blogger doing that much better than I ever could. But I will offer some evidence of my friend's and my theory.


A more flattering haircut, a little makeup, and eliminating the black pearl earrings and whatever-the-hell kind of scarf that is can go a long way.

So please, DC, please! STOP BEING UGLY. That is all.