Tuesday, January 22, 2008

f u cvs, et al.

Dang. I was going to try to write this post entirely in one-letter words and abbreviations, but alas, that sh*t proved too hard. But, as losers tend to say, can't win 'em all! And so allow this loser (ahem, of patience and money as you shall come to understand after reading this) to reintroduce today's latest debacle: "F*ck you, CVS and Others."

It was one of those routine mornings when you wake up and want codeine sprinkled on your high-fiber cereal. So, I called down to what I thought was my CVS to ask whether I had any refills left on a certain prescription or whether I was going to have to order it from Canada online (JK, DEA!). Anyway, the clock hit 8 a.m. and I made the call (PS -- I relish in how shady this sounds), very much unprepared for the salty little man-bitch on the other end.

Me: Hi, is this the pharmacy?

Man-Bitch: Uhhhh....yes. What is it?

Me: Oh, well sir, I was wondering if I still had a refill left on my prescription...

Man-Bitch: Uhhhh...you know we just opened. I’m busy.

Me: [as politely as possible] Well, I know you just opened. My plan was to call when I knew someone would be there, i.e. when you opened...

Man-Bitch: Listen. I have work to do. You’re going to have to call back. [Hangs up.]

"Work to do?" I thought, as I tried to reconcile how helping out a paying customer did not qualify as "work to do" for a CVS pharmacist. "I will see this guy in hell before he hangs up on me again." And so I called back.

On the second go this stupid man-bitch was finally able to spare a literal minute of his precious time to help me, even though his help ended with him telling me that, in fact, I was the stupid bitch because I called the wrong CVS (zoinks!). While I admit "my bad" in this situation for not double checking the number before calling, I still think such ridiculously rude customer service on his part was uncalled for. And so, instead of hanging up and finding the correct number myself, I made this now smarter-than-I man-bitch provide me with the correct number, which he did after much huffing, puffing and unnecessary attitude.

But lest you think the rest of my morning was spent in prescription drug-induced splendor (it’s all legal, I swear!), there was yet another issue with which I had to deal -- my sheisty insurance. Even more disheartening than a certain Cleveland Park CVS employee, the Aetna insurance company proved that incompetence is much more common than it should be when dealing not only in the business of drugs but in the business of PEOPLE'S LIVES. Apparently, some asshat at Aetna or, more likely, a series of asshat blunders at Aetna, led to someone FORGETTING TO FILE MY PAPERS, thus LEAVING ME UNINSURED. How awesome is that??? Basically, had I not found this out now and, say, an asteroid sniped off my arm tomorrow (because that’s very likely to happen), I’d have to remain armless or face bankruptcy. NOT TIGHT.

But even more retarded was that when I did go to pick up my prescription at the correct CVS in Van Ness (I have two refills!), the (actually very friendly) pharmacist said, "That’ll be $207.99."

Goddammit...I'm suing someone.


Anonymous said...

Do not even get me started on the Cleveland Park CVS. I'm all, "If I wanted to feel as though I were living in the fucking Soviet Union - what with the lines, the rudeness and the lack of product - well then, I would move to the Eastern Bloc."

Marissa said...

Indeed, anonymous, indeed. Although, having lived in the Eastern Bloc, albeit thankfully not in Soviet times, I can attest that the shelves in Moscow's CVS equivalent, the lovely and orderly 36*6, are actually better stocked than some of the riff-raffy drugstores in the Capital of the goddamn Free World.

And the rudeness here! Seriously, I don't get it. Sadly, it seems to go way beyond the Cleveland Park CVS, too. I find crappy customer service nearly ubiquitous in DC, from the grocery store to the hair salon. Honestly, is it *my* job to go tell the stylist that I'm here? Eff that.