Tuesday, January 29, 2008

honestly, congress, is this necessary?

I realize I have a career in which I should keep my personal feelings about Congress to myself, but no one's perfect and sometimes I let a little of my bias peek through...like now.

Congress is retarded.

You know that issue about steroids and baseball? The one that affects sports? You know, the sports that should have nothing to do with the federal government? Well, apparently, some of my precious tax dollars are going to investigate this bullsh*t.

Eff our TANKING ECONOMY! Who cares about that little squabble in IRAQ! We have the rules of major league baseball to discuss and ultimately get nothing done over!

Next month there's a hearing -- "Steroid Use by Baseball Players" -- in the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee:
The House Oversight and Government Reform Committee (Chairman Waxman, D-Calif.) will hold a hearing on a report on the use of performance-enhancing substances by Major League Baseball players, focusing on the "Report to the Commissioner of Baseball of an Independent Investigation into the Illegal Use of Steroids and Other Performance Enhancing Substances by Players in Major League Baseball" prepared by former Sen. George Mitchell.
Um...and this has to do with government reform and oversight how again? Nothing, you say Congress? You nerds just want a chance to meet with jocks like Andy Pettitte, Chuck Knoblauch and Roger Clemens (um, and they are...?), the witnesses you have scheduled to come to the Hill? Yes? Just checking.

But then certainly the use of 'roids in sports must have something to do with energy and commerce because, Congress, you also scheduled this :
The Subcommittee on Commerce, Trade and Consumer Protection Subcommittee (Chairman Rush, D-Ill.) of the House Energy and Commerce Committee will hold a hearing on the Mitchell Report and steroid use in professional sports.
Well sweet Abraham, Jesus and Mohammed (hey, I'm equal opportunity here)! That's damn near IDENTICAL to the hearing scheduled by your colleagues (literally) down the hall in Oversight and Government Reform!

Phew! I'm SO GLAD you're all working so hard on the Hill, you know, to solve our domestic and world problems, one of which is definitely figuring out who's injecting whom in the butt with what (what?). Kudos, boys!


Scotus said...

My only problem with this is that baseball needs steroids. The game is boring enough already. Imagine if there were only half as many home runs, and the players were only half as fast.

But in general, I'm fine with Congress poking around baseball. It means they won't have time to screw up anything really important. Like football.

Peter said...

You obviously DON'T understand! The steroids want to kill our CHILDREN!

Marissa said...


LETTING the TERRORISTS win, MAYBE. But KILLING children? YOU clearly HAVE lost TOUCH with AMERICAN values OVER there IN the "DEVELOPING" world. DON'T make ME call INTERPOL. xo


If they ever touch table tennis, I'm going to be forced to finally join a militia.