Wednesday, January 9, 2008

yes, hell-to-the yes, and f*ck yes!

I honestly don't know what in hell has gotten into me this week, but I found something else I can stand about this place. And that wonderful thing is...or things I should say are scooters!




My "F*CK YES" scooter is the Yamaha Vino (You bet that's Italian for wine!) with a 125cc engine, which means it goes much faster than that pansy "YES" model, the 50cc Honda Metropolitan. Plus, since effing DC is one of the few places that requires one go get a full-on motorcycle license to drive any size motorized bicycle (What! You think I'd let a post go by without bitching just once? Never!), I might as well get the faster one. Most places -- reasonable places -- don't require licenses for 50cc bikes and under. They also allow you to have guns.

But anyway, back to the "F*CK YES." I'll admit, in my dream scooter world, I'd get the 150cc "HELL-TO-THE-YES" model Vespa, but alas, I'm a writer (Psssst! That means I'm poor!), so, I don't think I can manage the $4,000+ price tag. In fact, I'll probably have a hard enough time scrounging the $2,600 needed to get the Yamaha. I mean, I don't want to tell you what to do or anything, but, you know, maybe you should just go ahead and buy me my scooter. But don't do it for me, do it for you. DC will look cooler with more model "YES," "HELL-TO-THE-YES" and "F*CK YES" vehicles on its streets. And you want to be cool right? Right. Cash only. Thanx.


Velvet said...

Uh, let me tell you if you buy that scooter what you'll hate more than the other things on this here'll hate how people smash into you when you are on it. I recently sold my Harley because people did not treat me like a vehicle. They would pass me IN THE SAME FUCKING LANE! I decided to sell it before some asswipe taxi driver or asshole from Maryland killed me. If I'm going to die, it ain't gonna be here.

Marissa said...

Interesting point. That is not tight about not being considered a real vehicle as a full-size motorcycle. But here's my Catch 22: I don't exactly view scooters as vehicles, per se (they're bicycles with motors, which is why I find it absurd that I need to get a motorcycle license to drive one here), so I would expect people to pass me. Although I don't expect them to smash into me. That is when I would like to be able to do like Sylvester in Trapped in a Closet and pull out my Beretta and fire a few warning shots. But dammit if that's against the law in DC.