i might operate on circuitry and wires, but i’m no fake!

I think it's evident that I would much prefer to mock DC than defend my status as a real-life human being, but it's a slow week here at The Anti DC headquarters, so what better time than now to address the topic at hand -- I'm a homo sapien. And while I admit The Anti DC headquarters is currently located in my mind, I -- the actual person -- am not simply the totally awesome figment of someone's equally awesome imagination, just to clear up any rumors.

You see, I recently discovered that one anonymous (former?) reader, might be on a mission trying to prove I'm a fake. His or her endeavor seems to have started here on one of my enlightening posts, when he or she under the clever moniker of "None" commented, "If your blog is written as a joke -- especially as a parody of some real person -- I wonder if I could appeal to you to stop." Of course I took that as a compliment. I love that I'm that ridiculous that I come across as a "parody of some real person." But, as much as it confuses me that some people don't like me, some people just don't. Eh...I'll see them in hell. Snap!

And it all would have ended there until this weekend -- a couple of particularly dull days -- when I began perusing through older posts of other people's blogs, which either had something directly to do with me or on which I posed a question and forgot to check back for the answer. Little did I realize though that this so-called "None" had taken his or her sleuthing skillz over there, as well.

In a Project Beltway post regarding my lil’ jihad earlier this month, a person I could only assume to be the same (very) amateur detective who had earlier commented on my blog explained via a larger treatise on PB my perceived mythical status. This time using the retardulous pen name "Alias B," "None" wrote to PB's Rachel:

I just recently found your blog, and I'm wondering if Marissa's blog isn't written by you as a joke? No insult intended. In fact, my initial impression is that your writing is more to the point. You try to navigate her meandering sentences. What really tipped me off to the joke was the mention of "eurotrash." [SIC]

Needless to say, "her" blog is off my radar. Her niche is too specific to appeal.

If it is written as a joke, I wonder if I could appeal to you to stop. I'm stumbling around for a high note, but quite simply: ah like your blog. [SIC]

Certainly, this "None/Alias B" has not read my blog closely enough. (It must be all those goddamn "meandering" complex sentences I use.) Had he or she really allowed my blog to grace his or her presence longer, certainly he or she would have realized that unlike those who may joke about Euro-trash, I take my Euro-trashiness very, very seriously -- it's my niche, and it's globally wide. To be clear, I joke about DC. I'm no-nonsense on Euro-trash.

And while it's not so surprising that this (former?) reader of mine would comment on a retort to one of my own posts, it did shock me slightly that this mystery genius would follow me all the way over to a post on Panda Head, where I asked Morgan, the blog's author, if she knew where the skirt featured in a photograph was from (scroll down to “m st: georgetown”). I guess having run out of such witty names as “None” and “Alias B,” this blog-stalking P.I. decided simply to remain “Anonymous” and wrote either as a request to Morgan or myself (or both?), "If you are writing the a-dc blog and under the pen [SIC] Marissa as a joke, I wonder if I could appeal to you to stop."

Well, I'll be damned! Turns out the skirt is actually a dress!

What? Oh sorry, back to the point. I honestly don't know why this "None/Alias B/Anonymous" man and/or lady is so against "The A-DC." I'm not a fake, "None/Alias B/Anonymous." I'm a living human being with a name (Marissa), a residence (in Washington, DC), thoughts and feelings circuitry and wires, and, yes, maybe a slight an overwhelming tendency to favor all things Euro-trash, including but definitely not limited to skin-tight pants, Euro-mullets and wearing sunglasses at night.

But listen, I'm just trying to help tools and douchebags like you, "None/Alias B/Anonymous." Don't shun me. Believe in me! I believe in you.