Friday, January 4, 2008

dc fashion blog jihad anyone?

I effing hate DC. I know my general dislike of this town is neither particularly interesting nor revelatory at this point since I pretty much type that every time I post, but dammit, I feel the need to do this city a service and at least attempt to point out some wrongs so that one day someone less lazy than I can right them.

And so, I shall continue to be nauseatingly repetitive and zero in on yet another reason why DC sucks: It's "fashion" blogs.

Now, I understand I write about DC style from time to time, but my purpose, unlike DC's fashion bloggers, is simply to underline my larger theme that, well, I effing hate this place. Let’s be honest here -- DC has no fashion sense. And, trying to change that is akin to trying to teach a special needs kid to stop acting retarded. Not easy.

But against those odds, others still try. And while I (sort of) respect their collective undertaking, I find the general outcome to be nearly as depressing as seeing DC's residents trade in their summer Crocs for their winter Uggs.

Exhibit A: Project Beltway

I first stumbled upon this Web site back in June, just after I moved here from the glorious fashion-loving streets of Lower Manhattan. "Hmm, this is interesting," I thought, as I perused through the man-on-the-street style photographic essays of DC's more "stylish" (and, yes, the word stylish must be in quotation marks here) residents. Back then, Project Beltway was DC's answer to The Sartorialist and Stil in Berlin. Rachel, Project Beltway's author (who I might add, despite what you're about to read, seems like a genuinely nice person), showcased photos of interesting people in interesting outfits against interesting backdrops. Interesting! At least it was...

But lately, the site has devolved into an ad campaign for various "Georgetown boutiques" with its photos replaced by poorly edited, doting interviews of DC "socialites," who have penchants for Juicy Couture sweats (ew), Uggs (double ew) and Mystic tanning (the immeasurable triple ew). This leaves the present state of Project Beltway drab at best and painful to read at worst.

Yet, for some unknown reason, Project Beltway is oft tagged as one of DC's best fashion blogs and it has led Rachel to become the go-to girl for a quote on DC style in major press outlets. Moreover, Project Beltway has also landed Rachel a gig as a style contributor to Washingtonian magazine. Congrats, I suppose, coming from the small part of me that is a nice human being, but the larger part of me -- the circuitry and wires -- says: WTF? Really?? Did Washingtonian’s editors peruse through Project Beltway thoroughly before making the decision to associate the publication with this rapidly deteriorating blog or do they simply not care about quality?

Moving on to Exhibit B: Panda Head

Like Project Beltway, Panda Head (I think) also aims to become a DC version of The Sartorialist. But unlike Project Beltway, Panda Head seems slightly more adept since it concentrates less on Georgetown and more on H Street. In my personal opinion, I'd rather ogle a photo of a hipster in front of The Rock'n'Roll Hotel than a Georgetown douchebag any day.

However, it seems the proportion of hipsters to douchebags is immensely unequal in DC, thus leaving Morgan, Panda Head's author, few options to give due diligence to the purpose of her blog. This means Panda Head features on-the-street style photos maybe three to four times per month. The rest of the blog is filled with random links and photos of stuff the author is interested in. Fair enough, I suppose. I mean, Morgan has taken on quite a feat. Her blog description claims Panda Head is a "Washington, DC, fashion/style blog ... intent on dispelling the myth that the District can't dress." A valiant effort indeed, but, as the old proverb goes, you can't shine a turd.

All right, if you're still with me, let's move on to Exhibit C: A Serious Job Is No Excuse

I came across this blog when its author, Johanna, commented on Project Beltway. I can't exactly remember the comment, but it was in line with hating on DC style so naturally I clicked her name which linked me to what has become the Mecca of DC fashion blogs. Unlike the aforementioned two, this blog attempts not to showcase but to give advice to DC's more dishabille dressers. It's a kind of Fashion 101 for the pleated khakis set all DC women.

Also unlike DC's other fashion blogs, A Serious Job is well written and often amusing, if not slightly overly Sex In the City-esque, which automatically makes it worth the read. However, the advice purported is absolutely mundane, offering such gems as "How to Clean Out Your Closet" and "If It’s Cold Outside, Wear Layers." (I'm still holding out for the mind-blowing "If Your Blouse is Sheer, Wear a Camisole Underneath It" post though.)

But I can't necessarily fault the author here for her subject matter choice. After all, I suppose she's writing for her audience, which apparently is huge...and retarded. Yes, perhaps unsurprisingly, there are a lot of idiots who don't seem to have a child's knowledge of basic things like HOW TO KEEP WARM. Take, for instance, "Jessica" who commented, "Tights under jeans? Never even thought about that...wunderbar!" Or "Intern in the City" who responded, "That’s something I wouldn't have thought to ask myself, actually, so thank you!" to Johanna's closet cleaning advice that states one should throw items out if she no longer looks forward to wearing them. Ugh.

But wait! Could it be this so-called Jessica and Intern are just super sarcastic? Sadly, probably not. My only hope is that A Serious Job's author is actually the sarcastic one. I'd like to assume she knows her "wunderbar" advice is simply just common sense, which makes her laugh if not aloud then at least secretly at the numerous readers who seem to find it innovative. What? I should dress to flatter my figure?! Who'd-a thunk?! And whoa! Fat people shouldn't wear ass-tight tapered jeans?! Well, I'll be damned! By Jove, it’s like a treasure trove of SH*T ANYONE WHO OWNS A MIRROR SHOULD KNOW.

And finally, since even I'm getting bored of my bitching by now, I'll end with Exhibit D: DC Style

I'll keep this one short since the oxymoronic (emphasis on the moronic) name pretty much sums it up. A Serious Job’s Johanna actually writes for DC Style, which at least says something about this blog's attention to grammar, I suppose. However, instead of cultivating any sort of remotely creative writing, DC Style edits and truncates all its articles as not to surpass a fifth-grade reading level. Total check-minus.

Plus, this blog advocates shoes that look like this. Snakeskin wedge sandals? Really?! I will see that shoe in hell. Nay, I will see all of DC in hell. Wait, I think I am in hell.

Have a pleasant day!


43 comments:

Johanna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Johanna said...

Marissa-

Parts of this post had me laughing in earnest, while others elicited "no, no, but wait..." attempts at explaining why I write on "mundane" topics like layering and closet-cleaning.

I write primarily for me, but yes, somewhat for my readers as well. I don't think they're necessarily "retarded," but maybe just busy or untaught or new to caring about their appearance. I try not to write condescendingly nor too basically, but now that you've *very* clearly pointed out my shortcomings, I'm going to reevaluate a few things.

Where I share your opinion most ardently (vomitous snakeskin wedges aside) is on the issue of common sense. Dressing to flatter one's figure is what every woman should have in mind every time she puts on a garment, but guess what, *most don't* and some even go so far as to say focusing on a figure-flattering fit doesn't matter so long as you like whatever it is you're wearing. Such hogwash, but seriously, your assessment that "anyone who owns a mirror" knows to strive for a great fit is not accurate. At least not in DC.

I appreciate your honesty and your comment, and I look forward to seeing your reaction once I piece together that post on sheer tops and camisoles ;-)

Johanna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Thank goodness for your posting on Johanna's site, or I may not have stumbled across your blog. (I read it for the shoes!) It's so nice that someone shares the same feelings on D.C.'s horrible transportation system and the city in general. At least you don't live in the burbs and HAVE to go into D.C. for work. That makes it even worse. I really enjoyed your post on the age of people in D.C. too. You hit it right on the mark. Everyone wants to be all grown up and important, and it's hard not to fall into that at times. Great blog!

Marissa said...

Johanna --

Honestly, I marvel that you're not more condescending. I need to work on upping my "decent human being" factor I guess, but dammit, DC makes that so hard...especially when talking about fashion here.

But really, you've taken on quite a task and if your advice -- mundane or not -- can get women here to, say, stop wearing Reeboks on their work commutes then the more power to you. Seriously, I can't take those kinds of ocular assaults for much longer.

And of course, I'm looking forward to the cami post and, hopefully, just maybe something more advanced every now and again?

Take care,
Marissa

Marissa said...

Anonymous --

I wish you left your name because I love that you love me. So few and far between!

the law said...

asshole!

Agreed said...

Thank you for putting into words my EXACT feelings about Project Beltway.

Marissa said...

the law --

Ahh yes! I like that 1) you found out that I, indeed, cannot delete comments and 2) that you read my earlier work and knew I would greatly appreciate your "asshole!" homage. You're the best!

agreed --

You and I are surely -- and sadly -- not alone. Thanks for reading (and commenting), btw.

Anonymous said...

I find Panda Head infuriating for a variety of reasons.

1. Wearing an outfit my baby-sitter wore in 1987 is not fashionable. This includes DARE T-shirts, those white Reebok aerobics high-tops with the Velcro at the ankles, Nikki Sixx hair, etc.

2. Its affiliation with brightestyoungthings.com (go to the site and check out the "fashion" spreads, and you'll see what I mean).

3. DURKL? Really? No.

I, too, prefer hipsters over Georgetown douches any day (better music, no LNS members) but that site is just too much.

Miranda Priestly said...

Yes, they all have their problems, but you're right on the money in pointing out Project Beltway as the biggest loser. Her biggest problem? Listening to her readers, aka "friends" who want her to come to events and parties and sales, promoting them in advance and posting photos of them afterwards, ego stroking coming and going.

It's turned her crap blog to shit.

Morgan isn't my style, but she does a great job for those who share her fashion sense.

Johanna stands alone. Sure, sometimes I know most of her advice, but even the post about staying warm got me thinking about super thin, fitted cashmere layering, possibly even with a link to a good option at a reasonable price. Further, I'm sure I laughed reading at least one of her clever little turns of phrase. Double bonus. She's the bomb diggity, don't you know.

Finally, never read any of your other "fashion" work, but if you really think the only problems with DC fashion are pleated khakis and Reeboks - and that they are solely a DC phenomenon - you are more ignorant than you purport these other ladies to be.

That is all.

Jennifer said...

Marissa - My name is Jennifer (the anon poster) I've been here for almost five years, and I cannot wait until I can get out. My boyfriend and I both left for about two weeks during the Holidays and have tried so hard to not fall back into being the bitter haters we have become. But, one metro ride in and one commute down 66, and it's back to the daily why are we still here rants.

Most people I meet try to put up with it and tell you they love it and it's really all unicorns and puppy dogs. But, I don't believe it. I mean, seriously, if you tell me you LOVE your 2 hour commute everyday of the week, one way, I'm really not going to buy it. I do love the location however - heading out to the mountains for hiking, easy access to the beach, the cute, quirky places well outside of the city - but I don't think that's enough to keep me here.

I really think your Age post applied because we kinda fell into that - we just bought a house in the burbs when the prices fell and were very close acting like little old grandparents in our 20's - just because this area dictates a lot of that and so do a lot of our friends. So we dropped some of them, started binge drinking like the good ol college days, and are trying to get back to ourselves! It's been quite refreshing, like finding your blog. :)

panda head said...

i'm taking this as impetus to fulfill that resolution i made to rewrite my blog description.
good moods and kindness in 08,
morgan

59th & Lex said...

Project Beltway is a poor excuse for a blog and has never had a good day in their blog life.

Now, on to you missy. Your hatred of D.C., how can I put this politely? Well, it makes me swoooooon! Keep going! I love it! The first chance I get to claw my way out without taking a $100,000 hit on my overpriced condo, I'm going!!! Are you coming with me?????

Marissa said...

miranda --

Actually, I never called the various blog authors ignorant. The only person I truly may have insulted (whoops) is Rachel of PB, whose writing style I personally can't stand. However, even taking that into account, I definitely don't think she's ignorant. I'm sure she's probably pretty intelligent, as I'm sure all the other women who author the blogs I mentioned probably are. In DC, most women are smart...until they try to dress themselves. Anyway, what I did say (if you look again) is that a lot of DC women who MUST read a blog that tells them things that, in my opinion, a mirror SHOULD be able to tell them, is depressing and indicative of the horrible fashion sense that prevails here. I invite you to read my other "fashion" pieces (which can be easily weeded out from my other terribly enlightening musings by clicking on the "style" tag in the right column) for further (hopefully amusing) explanation of my qualms with DC's "dress code."

jennifer --

You should move into DC proper! Although with this damn housing market...But really, I'm glad you find my little rants entertaining. I hope you continue to!

morgan --

Oh no! I was hoping you'd try to find more outfits to photograph. Actually, I was hoping for some sort of perfect storm effect in which DC women without their own fashion wits would be persuaded by Johanna to dress better, thus providing more visual evidence to make the original purpose of your blog possible (even if your and her aesthetic might differ a bit). But until that fateful day, DC style is what it is -- largely unphotographable. Best to you and I'll keep reading Panda Head, as always, in '08.

59th & lex --

Are you a male model? If yes, then I'll think about it. Are you Norm Coleman? If yes, then definitely hell-to-the-yes! But really, thanks for reading and leaving sarcastic comments. They're my favorite kind. Your shit is ultra tight!

Ciao,
Marissa

panda head said...

okay so i actually kind of hate to argue with you on this because i feel that you were pretty level and not inconsiderate when discussing panda head, but the original purpose of my blog has stayed the same! the difference between now and, say, eight months ago (or even a year and a half ago, when i started it) is that NOW i work 50 hours a week, write at two columns a week for two different sites, and have two or three shoots a month on top of that. frankly, i just can't hack going out on weekends (and forget weeknights) the way i could at panda head's inception. and while i've never implicitly stated that before changing my mission statement, the "random links and photos" are actually links to these other projects of mine. so yes - the blog's format has changed a bit, and i had been putting off changing the description to reflect that.

i totally understand when people write off DC as having no style (no really, i do. i grew up here. I GET IT.) but every city has pockets that care about fashion and style and pockets that don't. nothing is wrong with either. yes, DC's NO CARE population is front and center, but that certainly doesn't mean that it doesn't exist if there isn't anyone photographing it with regularity. no city is ALL STYLE - people wear shitty shoes and ill-fitting pants EVERYWHERE, i promise.

this may actually be the first time in the history of EVER that i've posted in response to INTERNET CRITICISM, but yours was constructive and NOT ANONYMOUS and any crankiness/defensiveness on my end about this can be attributed, justly, i think, to the fact that it's my birthday and i have a gnarly head cold. maybe when this whole thing blows over we should get an apartment together. or at least you can put me back on your links list.
thanks marissa
morgan

Marissa said...

Morgan --

Firtly, happy belated birthday! Had I known it was your birthday or that I would kick up such a shitstorm, I'd have held off on posting something that would take away from any time you should be celebrating rather than arguing online. Seriously, if I could send you a drink over the Internet right now to apologize for my ill timing, I would.

But I hear what you're saying about the whole job thing. I also work 40+ hours per week and I try to freelance now and again, which leaves me sometimes with the choice to either sleep or blog. I'm retarded, so I usually choose to blog. But on that note, my blogs don't depend on me going out and finding visual material. My shit clearly all comes from my sick and twisted mind, which I think makes my undertaking easier than yours.

Anyway, for the record, I click on your "random links" a lot and I quite enjoy them, not because they have anything to do with DC, but because they help me learn how to better utilize my sewing machine.

So, thanks for the response, it's appreciated. And since I think you understand my argument on why I included Panda Head in my post and I just posted a follow-up to sort of clarify my original purpose, no hard feelings!

Take care,
Marissa

PS -- Your linked!

Marissa said...

Holy shit. I mean "you're."

Zero scene points for me.

Rachel said...

It looks as if i'm late (fashionably, I'd like to think) to the party. I started writing a huge long book in response but I think I'll just post about it on my blog, as I think you make a lot of good comments that led me to do a lot of thinking tonight. And of course I know that your words weren't meant as a personal attack, although well, Project Beltway is *my* blog. Soooo, it's kinda like when people say "Don't take this personally but..."

I took it personally but not in a bad way and that's not why I didn't chime in (I haven't been producing the way you/I/readers would want because of one thing: life. ugh, it happens and apparently ALL of it to me AT ONCE).

You're right when you said somewhere that it is a huge challenge to regularly generate original content. That's especially the case when you have like 3 other jobs (that pay!) and clients who depend on you.

I think your blog is a riot and I'll keep reading. If anything, your post and blog in general inspires me to post whatever I want, whenever I want, because to do anything else is simply exhausting. I'm going to try and do some *re-wiring*, albeit in my own personal way, in the new year.

Rachel

Marissa said...

Rachel --

Good to hear from you. I'm glad you're not angry and that my post seemed to have the general effect that I had aimed for, which was not simply to piss people off but to get them thinking in this often sleepy city of ours.

I agree with you too, that the best way to make sure your blog is entertaining is to make sure that you're entertained, so I -- and I'm sure many others -- will look forward to seeing where you take Project Beltway this year.

Take care,

Marissa

Anonymous said...

your use of the word retard in every post is simply delightful. if you hate dc so much then go back to manhattan. and i mean that in the most loving way.

Marissa said...

Anonymous 11:07--

I suspect you might be one of my friends in NYC gently nudging me back. Nice try! But alas, I have work to do here and I vow not to leave until it's done.

xo!

Anonymous said...

How come all of the posts on A Serious Job Is No Excuse are gone?
(not trying to be anonymous, just a random person to lazy to log in)

Marissa said...

anon--

No prob on the laziness. We're only human. Anyway, I've wondered the same thing. I have a few guesses, but I don't think I'd want to publicly speculate. I'm pretty sure, however, that whatever she's up to now, I'm probably jealous.

Thanks for reading!

:)

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PREACH!!!! IM IN DC FOR THE SUMMER AND THE FASHION HERE SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

honestly its not so much that people don't know how to dress as much as its a very inbred community. there's zero diversity in style. you're either dressing for comfort, dressing for business, dirty because you're homeless, or you look like a kennedy.

godDAMN!!!!!! i'm tryna bring a little downtown nyc to the area but all i get is stares.